At the start of the recent (and ongoing) heatwave, the staff at our nick received a patronising email from some H S waster telling us to drink lots of water . So ..
we are in full body armour, the aircon on all the cars is knackered as usual and it s nearly 100 degrees (in old money) and some complete donkey feels the need to tell us to drink water. For goodness sake shut up and leave us alone. They will be telling us not to forget to breathe next!
They don t really give a monkeys about our health. What they are doing is Arse Covering in case one of the troops keels over.
What are you going to do about it then Inspector Gadget?
I hear you cry. The answer is, there is sod all I can do about it (the working conditions) but I can guarantee you that if you work for me, you will NOT be getting any patronising bloody emails. That s a start isn t it?
Britain is witnessing the rise of an underclass of people at the bottom of the social heap, structurally and culturally distinct from traditional patterns of decent working-class life. The anti-work, anti-social, and welfare dependent attitudes displayed by this underclass are expensive and damage the fabric of society.
I understand the importance of the desperate need to understand and change this trend.
I challenge the assertion that the police have a part to play in this process. The police should remain apart from any attempts at social engineering. We should be enforcing the law and protecting those who contribute to society and pay taxes.
Dealing with the underclass each day, listening to them (both when they know they are being overheard and when they do not!) has left me deeply suspicious of their motives. I have the overwhelming impression that this problem may be more simple than social accademics believe it to be.
I think that the underclass take the least line of resistance because there are no consequences for not doing so, because it is easy and because they are rewarded with lavish attention for so doing.
In an uncharacteristic display of honesty, a well known and successfull solicitor who represents offenders in police interviews, admitted to me that he will do anything to avoid a court appearance infront of a District Judge. He prefers a Magistrates bench.
He told me of a District Judge in South London who started locking up persistent young offenders and of the subsequent huge drop in the crime figures for almost four months!
So to all those who have chastised me for being a reactionary in these pages, I m sorry ..
but I still haven t seen or read anything yet that convinces me that the underclass are not simply taking the piss out of the rest of us, and doing very nicely out of it thank you.
How about this for a plan. You travel to the Middle East (probably against Foreign Office advice).
You take your children with you, or you are pregnant or sick. You know this when you travel. Then you visit Beruit (probably the second most dangerous city in the world).
When it all inevitably goes very bent, you then demand that the British Government evacuate you, complain when the service is not as swift as you would like and to top it all, you expect this all to be paid for by taxpayers back home.
It s always someone elses fault. The Norman Kember book on how to travel the world.
Soon we will hear that the Royal Navy food on the ships was no good.
One hero on News 24 said he had to leave his 70 year old mother in the city with just a can of petrol and some water. Call me old fashioned but the senior Mrs Gadget would have something to say if I did that to her!
I understand the thought police will announce today if any firearms officers are to be prosecuted for Stockwell. Here are some comments from Col Jessup (Jack Nicholson).
Son, we live in a world that has walls.
And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who s gonna do it? You?
You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.
You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago s death, while tragic, probably saved lives.
And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives You don t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!
I d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post.
On the extremely rare occasions that Mrs Gadget and I attend social functions with people we don t know, I have decided to respond to questions about what I do for a living by claiming to be a Children s Entertainer.
My ability to make children laugh has been recently been enhanced by the nonsense of virtually having to beg persistent young offenders to have a brief in interview. Previously I got my best laughs from kids when I administered reprimands and final warnings. But that process is an old gag now, this new one is far more amusing.
The reasons behind an independent officer of at least the rank of Inspector checking that a detained youth really does not want a solicitor at interview are sound. I suppose it is designed to stop the old cell visits that the CID were so fond of pre PACE. But the CID, and the youthful criminals have moved on.
Most of the CID officers are probationers on humiliating forced attachments, sick and tired of spending their time investigating assault with a pigeon or theft of a spanner (these have happened!). These officers are bright, motivated and career minded, They have far better things to do than waste their time by verballing some little scumbag into not having a solicitor, especially when said criminal will only ever receive a paltry penalty.
As for the youths, they don t give a monkeys about legal representation or anything else.
So when I speak to them about why they don t want a brief, and explain the dire consequences of being interviewed for throwing a cake at a window without legal representation, they just laugh at me. The hapless appropriate adult usually tries to persuade them to have a brief, this gives the youth a perfect battleground for yet another raging argument, I try and talk sense again and the laughter continues.
Inspector Gadget can be booked for children s parties any time of the day or night by using the 999 system.
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