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Yet the grass truly is not always greener. When Agosta met 12-year-old Michael Santiago of Glen Cove last year, the youngster’s loneliness was palpable. Unlike Agosta, with his large family, Michael grew up in a broken home, raised by his single mother and living with her and his 15-year-old sister.

“Michael had told me that it wasn’t fair, because his sister had me and he didn’t have anyone,” says Christine Follett, Michael’s mother. “He desperately needed a good male role model, someone to look up to and who would be there for him.” So, three years ago, Follett looked into finding her son a mentor through Big Brothers Big Sisters of Long Island (BBBSLI).

But with a dearth of male volunteers, the organization could not find a match for Michael for several years. Then the boy met Agosta, who had volunteered for the program.
This week, they celebrate that one-year anniversary.

Both agree that it has been a memorable time.
“I feel happier,” says Michael. “He is really nice to me, he’s really fun.

He’s a good big brother.”
Agosta says that he has seen an incredible transformation in Michael, who would not even speak to him for several months when they began their relationship.
“He wouldn’t say anything, he would just stare away,” remembers Agosta.

“Now, he doesn’t stop talking.”
“He was really happy when he found [Agosta]. So was I,” says Follett.

Michael Santiago and Mark Agosta are part of BBBSLI, and their mentoring relationship is one of 350 overseen by the organization. Many are just as successful, with people forging relationships that last lifetimes.
It is just the kind of good news that Bill Tymann wants to hear.

For 27 years, he has been a part of BBBSLI. Before coming to the organization, Tymann, now the chief executive officer of BBBSLI, spent years working for foster care agencies, and saw a system that did not work. The problem, he thought, was that not enough was being done to prevent children from ending up in foster care.

His career path steered him to Big Brothers Big Sisters of Nassau County, which merged with its Suffolk counterpart in the late 1980s to become BBBSLI. After nearly three decades, he has no doubt that this agency works.
“I would not be here for so long if I did not believe in this organization,” says Tymann.

“We are preventative in nature, and when you can identify the needs of children early on, you can help to avoid heartache [down the road] in life.” Studies conducted by Public/Private Ventures, an independent research foundation based in Philadelphia, have found that children in the mentoring program are less likely to start using illegal drugs, start drinking, have truancy issues at school, and they perform better in their studies and have improved relationships with parents and other children.
The private, nonsectarian, not-for-profit, tax-exempt organization was incorporated in 1977, and is affiliated with Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.

On LI, it has 22 full-time staff members and is headquartered in Levittown, with an office in Hauppauge and one in Southampton. There is also a main collection center in Islandia, plus many others all over LI, where people donate everything from unused clothes to unwanted household items. They are sold, and the profits help fund BBBSLI.

Approximately 25 percent of the organization’s dollars are gleaned from Nassau and Suffolk counties, and a small amount of aid comes from New York State. The remaining chunk is brought in through aggressive fund-raising efforts by BBSLI. While it may be one of the most visible groups on Long Island, BBBSLI is just one of about 210 organizations that offer mentoring services to approximately 5,800 children.

Most of those groups are part of the Mentoring Partnership of Long Island (MPLI), an umbrella organization that offers resources and services to mentoring programs.
“We have mentoring partnerships in churches, synagogues, many schools, foster care agencies,” says Jean Cohen, the organization’s executive director. “And while we help serve so many, we estimate that there are close to 100,000 kids on Long Island that would benefit from some form of mentoring relationship.

” Cohen says that BBBSLI is a “premier mentoring organization” because of its long-term success. (The national group recently celebrated its 100th anniversary.)
“It is a community-based model, and its policies and procedures are well-tested,” says Cohen.

Mentoring is not the only service offered by BBBSLI. One program, Playing it Safe, has helped to educate children about gun safety, chemical/food container look-alikes, stranger awareness and “good” and “bad” touching, for almost 25 years. There is also an emphasis on teaching the dangerous differences of over-the-counter medications that look like candy.

BBBSLI’s work does not end there. All BBBSLI services are offered free of charge.
Tymann has seen some extreme situations turned around by the organization’s program.

Some children come from broken homes and there are others whose parents were murdered. There was even one child who had been abandoned as an infant next to a Dumpster.
The common thread is a need for another adult in their lives—the organization calls them “bigs”—to provide something extra.

Sabrina Cruz of West Islip is a perfect example of a child who found the perfect older friend.
Since her parents’ divorce, Sabrina has lived with her mother, Stephanie Cerami, her older sister Samantha and younger brother Anthony. Both Sabrina and Samantha have big sisters through BBBSLI.

Sabrina enjoys a healthy relationship with her father, but her mom felt there was more out there for Sabrina. “I heard people talking about what a great place [BBBSLI] is,” says Cerami. “As a single parent, I thought it would be good to have someone else for the kids to talk to.

”
Sabrina’s first big-sister relationship ended after her big sister moved to Brooklyn. That is when she met Marie Naumann, who has been Sabrina’s big sister for two and half years. (Sabrina is still in touch with her first big sister.

) “She [Naumann] is really close to me. I can talk to her about everything,” says Sabrina. “She is always there for me.

”
“The truth is, as much as I am there for Sabrina, she is there for me,” says Naumann, Sabrina’s big sister. “She is so precious.”
Naumann is no stranger to the organization.

As a child, she was introduced to the program by a local church when her mom sought help for Marie’s older brother. Having never known her father, Naumann was a typical case for BBBSLI. It took five different matches, but today, 26 years later, she and her big sister Leslie are still very much in each other’s lives.

Like many other former big brothers or sisters, once she turned 18, Naumann decided to become a big sister herself. She has mentored three little sisters, including Sabrina. One of the great joys of Naumann’s life came on her wedding day in September 2006, when she posed with big sister Leslie and little sisters Dawn and Sabrina.

The process to become a big brother or sister is lengthy and thorough. Tymann says that the organization stands out among other agencies because of its scrutiny and success. “In 27 years, we have not had one instance of inappropriate behavior.

We believe we are more fastidious than any other group.” The average time to be approved as a big is four to five weeks. The organization conducts a background investigation that includes local and national fingerprint checks, Department of Motor Vehicles record reviews, Social Security verification, and, of course, a detailed criminal history review.

Once the individual is approved, the organization sets up meetings between the child and a possible mentor. All prospective bigs must be a minimum of 18 years old. Adults are expected to set aside at least three to four hours per week for their little brothers or sisters.

Although every relationship is scrutinized and monitored, some matches do not work out. BBBSLI aims to make a relationship last at least one year; relationships typically average from two to two and a half years. It can take up to six months for a relationship to really gel, says Tymann; once that happens, it can go on for years.

“For me, it’s always been a lifelong commitment,” says Naumann. Things start slowly. Sabrina explains the early meetings.

“You get together and talk about what you like to do. Our first meeting, we walked around the mall and just talked and had something to eat,” she says. “Then you start to go out and do other things.

”
In the first three months, big sisters or brothers cannot bring the child to their homes, either. The visits are only for the two people, and BBBSLI encourages that type of closeness so the relationship remains something very special between adult and child.
“They become part of the family,” says Tymann.

They might have holidays together or celebrate with the families. For example, Agosta will attend Michael’s 13th birthday dinner this week.
Getting volunteers—especially men—is not easy.

Michael’s wait of nearly three years, sadly, is normal. Sabrina’s brother Anthony has been on a waiting list for two years.
It is difficult to get people to give up their time.

Agosta says friends did not understand his decision to give up so much of his time.
“This is done when appropriate, and when the parent approves,” says Tymann. Agosta says that he was inspired to become a big brother by a friend of a family member, a young boy who was detached, lonely and mistrustful.

But he saw the boy begin to change when he was exposed to more attention. Now, he sees how Michael has changed.
“He went out for football this year, which is incredible,” says Agosta.

“And then he went to a dance at school. I was amazed.”
“There are Saturdays when I wake up tired and think, ‘How am I going to find the energy for tonight?

’” Naumann says. “Then I get to Sabrina’s, and she is standing there with her coat on, and gives me a big hug, and I get a burst of energy.”
Tymann says that more and more retired persons are beginning to volunteer, which has been an incredible boost to the mentoring program.

“[Retired men and women] have the time, and, more importantly, the wisdom, that help make them great big brothers or sisters.”
“The reason that mentoring relationships work so well,” says MPLI’s Cohen, “is the adults get just as much out of it as the kids. It is tremendously rewarding.

” Cohen should know: She mentored a child for about 10 years.
Ultimately, it is the children themselves who are the best ambassadors of the organization. Sabrina and her sister Samantha have spoken to large crowds at BBBSLI events around Long Island.

If you were on the fence about whether to become a big brother or sister, or even to donate to the organization, Sabrina could sway you.
She is a vivacious 13-year-old who, like most kids her age, can easily chat with several people on the phone at the same time. She very much looks forward to her time with Naumann, a controller, who does everything from taking Sabrina shopping (her mom pays, though), to helping her with math homework, to doing arts and crafts, or just talking.

Michael is so excited to see his big brother that now, if Agosta is late with his call on Friday to confirm their Saturday meeting, Michael will call him to make sure they are on. “I can’t wait to see him,” says Michael. “We’ll go to a movie, or do something outdoors like go to the beach and throw rocks, anything.

”
Sabrina even got her friend into the organization, and she, too, now has a big sister.
But the message is simple, says Michael. “If you want to make a kid happy, join Big Brothers.

”
For more information, please visit Big Brothers Big Sisters of Long Island on the web at , or call 516-731-7880.
Last year, on Christmas Eve morning, my family had a wonderful shared holiday experience. It had nothing to do with buying gifts, or visiting relatives or posing for pictures.

It was about the Big Brothers Big Sisters’ Holiday For Kids’ Sakes Program.
Although my own two kids, then 18 and 12, seemed very interested in doing a good deed by delivering food and gifts to families in need, the reality of waking up early on a Saturday morning turned out to be more of a struggle than anyone bargained for. I must admit that I, too, tried to steal some extra sleep time.

But there we were, on a chilly December Saturday, in a Hicksville warehouse filled with bags of purchased and donated gifts, turkeys and boxes of food, waiting to have our goods doled out to us, and our family assignment provided. There were 125 families to be serviced.
It was explained to the gathered crowd (HFKS), that the bags contained all sorts of gifts for kids, infant-age to 18 years old, ranging from books to clothing to DVD players—all specifically selected by the child’s social worker for that particular child.

Turkeys were provided along with holiday trimmings and staples, from breakfast to dessert. We were not told of our particular families’ specific circumstances; in fact, we were warned that we might not even be warmly welcomed by them—that some of these families were beaten down or embarrassed by their circumstances. And then we were given our goods and sent on our way, with directions to the homes to which were to deliver.

My children, sitting in the backseat, were a bit humbled by HFKS Founder and Co-Chairman Dave Moll’s speech, and the depth of the mission on which they were about to embark. Keep in mind, these are typical kids whose holidays were marked by them providing lists of things they wanted to get—cell phones, computer games, video cameras. Although they abstractly knew that people lived in dire circumstances, and might not even be able to afford a turkey, it never really hit home.

The car ride to the Central Islip and East Islip homes to which we were assigned was quieter than our usual rambunctious excursions.
My kids, who had just awakened only an hour prior, in their comfortable colonial house, with a landscaped backyard, in their individual bedrooms with state-of-art electronic equipment and closets the size of the first house we arrived at, fell silent. Their jaws literally dropped.

It would be kind to describe the first home as a shack.
My son and I walked up to the house to announce our visit, while my daughter and wife gathered the bags of toys. We were greeted at what served as a door by a very welcoming couple, who were blocking the view of the living space, which had a few scattered toys on the floor, towels on the window and a tattered couch.

How just these two were able to make space for themselves here was questionable, let alone their children.
My son and daughter handed them two large bags of toys, and the appreciative couple appeared filled with gratitude, repeating, “thank you so much,” over and over again. My kids couldn’t have been any more humbled and thankful that they had the opportunity to do this.

When we left and began to drive down the hardscrabble road, we realized we had not even given them their full delivery. We forgot the turkey, the trimmings and the rest of the food.
On our return, my daughter couldn’t wait to run out of the car to deliver it to the couple, now with a few young kids in tow.

And they received it, with great surprise, as if it were a blessing bestowed on them.
a much more quality discussion than the usual sibling fighting.
When we arrived at our second location, the physical living conditions were a bit better, but the circumstances seemed just as dire.

A young mother came to the door, greeted my daughter and welcomed everyone in as my son brought in the bags of toys and the turkey and trimmings. “Thank you,” she kept saying, beaming. But the pleasure was all ours.

On the way home, with two very reflective kids in the car, there was silence. Until one of them, I forget who, said, “We have to do this again next year.” They had not expected to receive such gifts that holiday.

The tireless, amazing work that everyone puts into Big Brothers Big Sisters year round, and into Dave Moll’s realized dream, was not lost on us that day. It was a great day for both those who received and those who were fortunate enough to give.