I hear that a group of VIPs from Maceio visited the Famous Grouse Experience at Crieff recently to strengthen links between the Brazilian coastal city, which boasts a population of one million, and Scotland's best-selling whisky. In a moment of shall we say, exuberance, the Brazilian visitors decided to use one of the breaks to challenge the Scots to a football match. The Scottish team was sadly short of a fiery, red-haired midfielder so Steve Craik, executive chef at the Grouse visitor centre, was enlisted from the kitchen.
Sadly, even the brand's own star player, Derek Brown, who was once on Rangers' books and who received a badly swollen ankle for his trouble, was unable to prevent a repeat of the score line in the opening game of France 98. I'm told that the Scots' goal was almost on a par with that scored by David Narey - aye, right. JIM Lawrie sees from the current transfer speculation around Parkhead that the Hoops are on the trail of Fanni (for the record, a French defender).
Bhoys will be boys, I suppose, but in anticipation of the excruciating headlines let's hope they can't afford him. Wasn't Rafael Scheidt already a joke too far? AFTER the appointment of Mel Brookes as their new marketing manager, Glasgow construction outfit City Building seems to have something of a star-studded workforce.
The following are all employed - when they are not earning fortunes in their real jobs, of course: Roger Moore (Royal Strathclyde Blind Institute), John Lennon (RSBI), Jimmy Hill (maintenance engineer), David Cameron (site administrator), James Stewart (joiner), Jimmy Johnstone (operations manager), Derek Johnstone (electrician), Steve McQueen (operations manager), Steve McQueen (joiner), Ronnie Regan (service manager), William Wallace (operations manager), William Hill (lift engineer), Robert Burns (joiner), Walter Scott (lift engineer), Gordon Brown (apprentice electrician) and Neal Diamond (painter). FOLLOWING on from our car reg the other week, M77 SUX, Ian MacNaughton has seen one in Glasgow which made him chuckle - SNO 4 XMS. And, yes, the car is white.
WATER on the brain? Doctors supporting the Glasgow Duck Race for KidsCharities UK are handing out a duck flyer with each prescription this week. The duck race, which takes place on Sunday at the squinty bridge, will race thousands of ducks down the Clyde for charity - first one over the line wins a new duck-yellow Ford Ka.
As Dr Gary Ramanathan at Port Glasgow Health Centre said: "Well, at least it'll give everyone the chance once and for all to call us a bunch of quacks." Celebs backing the ducks include Carol Smillie, Eamonn Holmes and David Cassidy, plus Sally Carr, singer of the aptly-named Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep. You can adopt a duck for 5 at www.
glasgow duckrace.org. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.
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