Wolf wants students to focus on respect, not hooking up
CRYSTAL DEMPSEY
Return to the rituals of dating and courtship.For those who have missed the media frenzy, the "hook-up" generation currently attends college and high school. They don't date.
They have sex with friends or random people they meet at parties or online. Often alcohol is involved. And after they've satisfied physical needs, they move on.
According to Newsweek magazine, nearly 8 out of 10 college students say they have "hooked up," usually after drinking booze or beer.
The person giving the old-fashioned, yet wise advice wasn't my mom. Or my grandmother.
Or even my great-grandmother.
It was Naomi Wolf, 44, a third-wave feminist.
The prolific author/social commentator dropped these pearls March 28 at UNC Charlotte in a lecture titled "Hooking Up: Sex, Alcohol and the Death of Romance on College Campuses.
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It was part of the school's observance of Women's History Month and I attended the lecture as a concerned woman. Not a journalist.
Wolf's breakthrough 1991 book "The Beauty Myth," which explores our culture's demands on female appearance, ranks as one of my "must" reads for both genders.
I felt the buzz of anticipation while waiting in line and then the energy of the packed house. More than 600 people attended the free event, and many were turned away.
Through her conversations with students across the country, Wolf believes that students today face more demands on their time and finances (a college education isn't cheap).
Along with attending classes, many work two or three jobs to pay for tuition and books.
And both genders are bombarded with sexual images via advertising, the Internet, TV, movies and even video games.
Porn is now just a mouse or a TV remote click away.
The result, Wolf contends, is that young guys perceive the ideal female as a surgically enhanced, monosyllabic porn goddess. He doesn't know what a real woman looks or feels like. He doesn't know how to woo.
And women, well, they have to live up to the porn fem-bot expectation. Their role models are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
Wolf was frank and honest.
She shared stories about her past.
I thought about my college years in the late '80s. There was some dating, but not much.
Porn was around but it wasn't the movie you'd watch on a Saturday night with a group of friends. And girls hadn't quite gone wild, but they were getting a little crazy.
Wolf contends that a return to romance is the answer to unhooking the hook-up.
She urged students to take stock of what they really want and to develop a sexual code of ethics that aligns with their values.
And Wolf asked them to commit a "political act" -- fall in love.
Her last piece of advice: Ask someone you like to sit on a blanket and look at the stars.
Talk. Get to know each other.
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