About seven hours into , someone stuffs a monkey into a cannon, lights the fuse and sends it shooting across the deck to crash into another character. That monkey is like us, the audience -- bruised, confused and unsure what it did to deserve this punishment. We have to endure a hurricane of hooey, a hydra-headed story with more subplots and pointless reversals than a Raymond Chandler tale and more doodad MacGuffins -- a compass that points to this, a key that unlocks that -- than even a parody could endure, all of which leads to a sort of white noise of confusion where a plot should be.
Even if that monkey-cannon were pointed at my head, I couldn't explain to you why, for example, the key pirates from the previous two films are now introduced to us as 'pirate lords' -- leaders of some kind of pirate's union, which, judging by Captain Jack ( ) and Captain Barbossa ( ) does not offer dental. It's their lordship, and what that means for pirates everywhere, that this trilogy capper is supposedly about.
You'll remember that at the end of the last film, Dead Man's Chest, Depp's swishy swashbuckler was betrayed by s colonial babe Elizabeth Swann, left manacled to the deck of his ship as it was being eaten by a steroid-squid, in the hopes that a sticky pirate curse would drown with him and his ship.
The audience wasn't fooled -- even the most casual moviegoer knew Depp would be returning for part three -- but films that include an easy-breezy transition between life and afterlife often find themselves having to paddle twice as hard to get dramatic tension going, which is one of the problems that most plagues At World's End. After all, if no one can really die, what's the worst thing that can happen? (One of the reasons I've never bothered to read a comic book in my life, by the way) Somewhere around the thirty-minute mark of this one, we're re-introduced to Captain Jack, who is stuck in some kind of Looney Tunes purgatory, commanding a ship sitting in the middle of a desert, and crewed only by multiple Jack Sparrows.
Before that can happen, however, we're whisked away to the land of Singapore, where Elizabeth Swann and Barbossa are improbably on some kind of stealth mission to enlist the help of in the whole scheme to free Sparrow from his afterlife prison. I can't imagine who thought it was a good idea to have Yun-Fat in this film, and I'm sure he would agree with me -- his scenes accomplish absolutely nothing except to pad the running time of the film an extra twenty minutes or so, and culminate in a bizarre set-up where he thinks that Knightley's character, wearing a triangle hat, is some kind of reincarnation of a goddess and tries to rape her. Don't ask.
By the time the 'let's bring back Jack from the dead' part of the film is over, you're sort of hoping that things might get on the right track and liven up, but you're only kidding yourself -- that's when the real complications begin. Maps, keys to help read maps, and maps to help find keys, and so forth.
The big Keith Richards cameo, which we heard about forever, is also a wash-out -- he has one or two lines and is seemingly reading them off cards.
It's almost as if he's there under duress. A more significant waste, however, is Davy Jones ( ) the octopus-faced underworld captain introduced in the second film, and one of the few memorable characters in the entire series. Where he was menacing and mysterious before, he's now turned into a talky supporting player who absurdly sits down at meetings with the human characters to engage in their discussions about maps and keys.
If I followed things correctly, I think character, a sort of bureaucratic Little Lord Fauntleroy of the high seas, commandeers Jones' powerful ghost ship The Dutchman, which can dive like a submersible and is crewed by a walking, talking Red Lobster platter, in the hopes of using it to stop an uprising by the union of pirates. Why doesn't he (Hollander) just use his influence to call down the thunder of the British fleet? Oh, forget it.
1. while agree that there is too much monkey-love going on in the movie and that it is indeed kid of long, i still think this is one fantastic, fun and satisfying summer movie.
2.
I saw the movie last night and thought it was the best of all three. They answered all the questions that arose from the last 2 movies. The length did not bother me at all because you know this is the last one and you don't want it to end.
If you don't know the first two movies backwards and forwards then I would suggest to rent the first 2 movies and watch them, then go see the third it will be less confusing.But if your a true Pirate Fan you will have no problem following the story it puts it all together with a fantastic ending. It brings it to a full circle.
3. I saw the movie last night as well and I think this review is a bunch of crap. I LOVED the movie and I am going to go back again today.
I definitely liked this one better than two and I think it was awesome. I was always on the edge of my seat, awaiting the next twist, the next turn. Being a true Pirates fan, I think this movie lives up to expectations and surpasses it.
I was not disappointed at all. As for the monkey, I like Jack..
.I think he's great! And I don't know what you're talking about in regards to the characters because I think that we finally got to see the development of Elizabeth and Will.
..I mean yeah they were very visible in the first two movies but I felt like we finally got to see them become what they were meant to become.
..A touch of destiny!
As for Captain Jack...
who would have thought he could become more weird but he did and it didn't leave me disappointed! And I love Barbosa, seeing the conflict within himself was awesome. As for Davy Jones, part of me was holding out for him to be a good guy but even though that didn't happen, I think we got to see a vulnerability about him in this one.
It was really great. Overall, I felt this movie was FANTASTIC. It left me wanting another one, hoping to see more of the characters I have grown to love!
4. I just went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 and thought that it was pretty boring. Boring to the point where I was becoming squeamish.
I thought that there should have been more action than there was. There was a lot more dialogue than anything else. Captain Jack Sparrow should have been in the film a lot more than he was.
Actually he was the only attribute that kept me interested.
5. I waited a whole year for this?
?? This was my initial reaction to the movie once I endured close to three hours watching it.
Although it does answer some of the questions the last movie left off with it leaves a lot out. Like WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RUM? It seems like Captain Jack was so much more fun on rum.
Did Disney leave the rum out of this movie for a reason?? Besides that half the movie is about releasing the sea goddess and once she is released why does she do nothing at the end?
?? I also hated the fact of what happens to Will.
I mean come on now whats the next movie going to be?? Will coming on land in ten years to see his kid.
You know Disney left this wide open. The movie also lacked action. I was very unhappy with the movie!
!
6. I never saw the previous series but this one, man, I realised I was holding myself from getting up to leave within 20 mins of this film.
To say that it was a Matrix revisited, albeit filmed in the sea, is an understatement. I agree with the critics that in a short time this firm will be forgotten - since no one can tell whats going on with all this childish white noise thats going in there! Niko
7.
Solid review. I love it when fanboys attack reviewers for approaching movies from an analytical point of view. The reviewer explained the failings of the film and what worked.
..nothing wrong with solid criticism.
There is something wrong with the attitude of: it's just fun. The first film proved you could have whimsy, action, fresh characters (well Barbosa and Sparrow at least), adventure, fun/witty dialogue and an enjoyable but not insultingly stupid pirate plot. The second flick dumped the wit/banter/dialogue, dropped the decent plotting, abandoned characterization and amped up the action/adventure.
I won't comment on the 3rd as the second was so bad I can't fathom paying for it - the third will come via Netflix. Films do not have to toss aside character, plot and dialogue in favor of more action. Fun shouldn't = poor storytelling.
8. I couldn't stand the second movie because of all the tripe and scenes added or lengthened to make the run-time longer. The only redeeming thing in the movie was Davy Jones.
So I'm doubtful about seeing this movie anytime soon. They took the premise too far, and are making these movies too long. Glad to see others thought the same thing.
9. "..
.and the smallest characters being allowed their own plot resolutions." Well that's one of the things I want the end of a trilogy to do actually.
All those characters (yes even the small ones) who you have watched on screen get their own resolution.
10. I love Johnny Depp.
Don't get me wrong but he went from this dashing,sneaky Captain Jack in the first 2 movies and ended up a looney bin case in the 3rd. He acted like he just escaped from the psych ward. And who cares about all the attention Elizabeth got from all the other men.
Why couldn't they have ended the series with her and Will together? that wasn't right. What happened to Davy Jones and his love Calypso/tia dalma?
did they reunite in the afterlife? Where did they drop elizabeth off at and just leave her there on an island alone? Why didn't Jack gain immortality and Captain the Flying Dutchman?
And we never did find out what "mark" Captain Jack left on Lord Beckott, we only knew of the scar Beckott left on Jack. Too many loose ends where there should have been answers. The special effects were good, but the plotlines were confusing and bundled into too much at once.
I expected a better happy ending for the LOVE birds, after all this was a Disney movie. I hope they make another one to fix what they messed up. But I doubt it.
Very sad for me. I thought the trilogy would have been better. I loved the first 2 and waited all year for nothing.
11. Disney movies = happy? WTF?
Most disney movies feature single parents - Bambi, Toy Story, Aladdin, etc, etc. Normally at least one parent is totally gone.
12.
Excellent and witty review! That and what nikki (above) said about PoC3 is exactly how I felt about PoC2 and why I am not about to shell out for this one. If a movie cannot pin you in your seat but instead makes you want to get up and pace around, you might as well wait to Tivo it and run it on fast forward to see the "good" bits, if at all.
With all that money floating around, you'd think they could have paid for a real writer.
13. I remember reading an interview with Johnny Depp a while back where he said that he'd keep on making Pirates movies as long as there was a good script.
I hate to say this, but I sense a sell-out.
14. Did anyone understand what happened to will and elizabeth in the end?
I bet if i watched it again i'd understand, but i dont knoe if i'm going again even though i LOVED IT! it was the most amazing, funny, and thrilling films out of the three, but when you find out what happened, please explain!!
!!
15.
The state of modern American film audiences both baffles and enrages me. The very premise of needing to criticize something because you didn't like it is ugly. Add to that the seeming ADD attention span and inability to follow more than one plot thread at a time and I fear for the future of stories like this one.
.. this one that I personally loved unequivocally.
It was NOT too long. It was NOT too convoluted or confusing. And since *I* didn't think it was too long or too confusing, ergo it must be true.
Right? Isn't that how this critic thing works?
16.
I think whether or not you like this movie is based on what you thought about the others, and in essence, what kind of movie you like to see. My opinion is, no matter how bad the movie is (though I thought it was great) it's still good on the pure basic fact that it's got the title PotC behind it.
17.
Wow, I agree with the poster that said it's sad that audiences can't follow multiple plotlines and thus must attack. I thought this was a great movie and the action was relentless. How can anyone say there was no action?
It also amuses me that people who didn't see the first two feel they can trash the third because it didn't make sense to them. Duh. hahaha.
If you didn't learn from the second that you need to stay for the credits, then, then that's why you didn't understand why they left you hanging with respect to Will and Elizabeth. The one criticism I do have is I don't understand why Calypso just disappeared like that. Maybe she was left on the cutting room floor?
18. It saddens me that people thought this was a GOOD movie. You deserve what you get.
19. SPOILERS. First, I have to say I'm not a "true" Pirates fan, but I enjoyed the first one a lot and the second one slightly less.
As for the third one, I thought it was a bit boring. It definitely had its funny moments - classic Jack Sparrow. But I missed the interaction between Jack and Will that I liked a lot in the first two movies.
I also liked the action and the sword fighting, but it got repetitive after a while. I didn't know what to think of the multiple Jack Sparrows - it was funny (at times) after I accepted the fact that this movie is also a weird comedy. The growing Calypso scene was just bizarre.
I didn't understand some of the conversations and the deals being made among the characters, so I had a hard time following their motives. I thought the beginning scene with the scaffolds and the release of Calypso were too scary for younger audiences. At first, the wedding scene was too cheesy for me.
But when I saw Will and Elizabeth's fate, I kind of accepted that they had to put that scene in at that time. In total, the film was still entertaining, but I agree that they went way overboard with this one, which left me nostalgic for the first film when everything was just the right amount of funny and quirky and weird.
20.
The review is absolutely accurate in every detail. Some of the reader responses baffle me. I suppose it's natural that we have differences of opinion but please take warning.
The movie is a LONG three hours (I'm including the credits and the pointless clip following the move). Save your money and be glad the first Pirates of the Caribbean was as good as it was.
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