May 24th, 2007 at 11:00 by Chris Laverty
Most people still don rsquo;t know who the heck Keith Urban is let along care if he once had a drinking problem. Won rsquo;t stop us writing about him though.
Keith Urban is not Karl Urban.
Karl Urban is an actor. He is soon to be starring in a new action movie called Run directed by Die Hard rsquo;s John McTiernan. He is not related to any other famous Urban and, as far as we are blissfully aware, does not sing.
Which immediately puts us in mind of Keith Urban, the singer. Confused? No, of course not.
You just don rsquo;t care.
Once upon a time, Keith Urban regularly ingested more booze than Oliver Reed at Christmas. He was a big ole rsquo; nasty drunk and often vomited on his own shoes.
Now he is married to Nicole Kidman and only needs to vomit when she removes her make-up. Though with her wicked sense of humour, he is assured of some fun nights in their twilight years: Nicole hiding his inhaler, Nicole loosening the screws on the banister ndash; we rsquo;ll tell you what we mean hellip;
Nicole Kidman, ray of emaciated light that she is, thought it would be a great laugh to give Aussie airline Qantas the heads-up on husband Keith and his boozy past - a past that includes , trying to , and . What did they do (or what did she suggest they do, we dunno), they gave nice Mr Urban a bottle of wine the very moment he boarded their plane.
He was on his way out to a concert in Adelaide at the time, so he did have a valid reason for being on board. He also had a valid reason to smash someone over the head with the bottle in our book. No such luck, we rsquo;re afraid.
Chirpy Keith responded to the incident thus:
ldquo;I knew I was back in South Australia when the host came up to me, smiled, gave me a bottle of red wine and said welcome back to Adelaide, Mr Urban hellip;so I drank it! rdquo;
We assume this sort of dry humour befits those used to sucking the life out of their body with a bottle of JD or some leftover aftershave.
Presumably three-quarters of the bottle was enough to get him singing Agadoo in his underpants, before headbutting Nicole and passing out in a puddle of his own piss in the cockpit.
Christ alone knows what happened to the poor stewardess who announced, ldquo;Welcome to Australia, Karl. We loved you in Lord of the Rings rdquo; when he woke up.
This is such a fucking laime but amusing article.
Yet you have no right in this fucking world to publish that junk on a shitty webstie - those comments you said about Keith Urban were quite insulting not just Keith Urban but there maybe some chaps watching this crappy article who have had a past drinking problem or is present with one.
I think he has a God damn right to sue that amazing jerk for using his exact name but hey, KU will actually be a ARTIST. So this mystery unisex plasted Keith Urban s name on a fucking website for oil paintings, big fucking deal.
Relating to that, we don t need faggots like you bitching at someone who actually GOT HELP for a deadly (well, becoming) problem atleast he went to rehab, better then not going at all.
After focusing hours and hours on your articles, I realized, they are immature. Maybe I like you re style, but the immaturity does not satisfy me; I m sure other mature adults will gather a old-fashioned line behind me that agree to this statement.
I don t see where you re gaining any point here he was a druggie and a alchy.. From screwing up Nicole s make up to dancing in underwear.
. what?
I ll give you some credit one, it was a little bit amusing.
Second, it had some facts and fiction involved. Thirdly, it had Karl Urban in it..
P.S. I would just love to hear back from you, mate!
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