We are now in the 21st Century. The defining characteristics of what makes a man have changed as has our understanding of manhood. In my lifetime (1966 - 2005, thus far) the role of the man in society has changed dramatically.
In 1966, the definition of manhood was suddenly contradicted from what had been established during WWII. A man in the 1950's was one with a family, a wife who stayed at home and tended this family, who served (or had served) his country, and who was a productive part of the industrial machine. With the baby boom came a youth culture that by the mid-1960's was overwhelming and, with it's size and diversity, began to unravel the traditional definitions of manhood as well as a man's role in society.
A man was sensitive and lived life independent of allegiance to a corporation or even an ideology. A man was also a traditionalist, still clinging to the 'isms' of the 1940's. Yet another definition was that of the active rebel, challenging all definitions and trampling the ideas of conventionality.
As the definition of what a man was splintered, the definition of what a woman could be began to evolve rapidly. Possibilities for women opened up in ways unimagined, with the burning of brassieres becoming analogous to the throwing down of the shackles of bondage forced upon them by society's mores. As I was growing up, my male role models were all caught in this crossfire.
My Grandfather was a machine gunnery sergeant in Patton's Army, an oil rigger, a southern gentleman and a take no prisoners man My father (who was only in the picture until I was four years old) was the sort of man who believed the world owed him - he went to Viet Nam and came back with a monkey on his back. After the stability offered by dear old dad came Dennis (stepfather number one) who was into style, a fashion hungry wife beater who exerted his manhood by terrorizing and brutalizing those less able than he. He beat my mother and I until we stole away in the middle of the night with our worldly possessions stuffed into black Hefty bags.
By the time mom, my little sister and I split at 3AM from 2525 Wildwood Lane in mom's brown Gremlin, I was done with the male role models mom was choosing for me. I was nine years old and my Grandpa was the Man. He was everything a man should be, in an Ernest Hemingway sort of way - bluntly honest, dependable, hard working, funny, true to his word; angry, scarred, and a chain smoking drunk.
I have to stop to say that writing that last line is painful; my Grandpa is the cornerstone of who I am as a man, and to write critically of him hurts. While my Grandpa was the primary male influence (thus sealing my fate to be defined at least in part by the mores of the 1930's male), I was raised by my mother. From her I developed an unmanly sensitivity to smaller creatures, an unrestrained ability to cry, an artistic side, and a flair for the dramatic (although my Grandpa was the storyteller - the yarn spinner - I got that from him, I'm sure).
In the 1970's, the archetypes of manhood were as diverse as the dancing John Travolta, the sensitive Phil Donahue, the heroic Han Solo, and thehomicidall Travis Bickle. The 1980's gave us the greedy Gordon Gecko and the chipping away at the warrior persona the Army had proliferated since before WWII. The 1990's offered the ultimate male role model for men of my generation - Bill Clinton - an intelligent, kind hearted, sensitive, ambitious, self-interested womanizer.
I am now 39 years old. It is 2005. I am known to be a bit of a bully sometimes.
I am also known to cry at movies. I work as hard as my Grandpa ever did, but I make no living at it - my wife is the primary source of income in the household. I'm no fan of organized sports or religion.
I'm described, affectionately, as "The Bear," and I act paternally to most in my circle of influence. I still play videogames in my living room, read books written for teens (the Harry Potter books are written for teens, even if we adults love them, too), and wear sneakers more often than "adult" shoes. I look around me and see similarly conflicted men, searching to carve out a niche that says "I am a man.
This is the kind of man I am." We are now in the 21st Century.
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