The Jenifesto: December 2006

Paul Bettany. I like you, and I know any time you spoke English you were trying to do your best Inigo Montoya, but what are you doing here? Remember that time you were in A Beautiful Mind and you were really awesome?

Here, you’re a train wreck on a train wreck. A meta train wreck.
Ian McKellen, you stay classy.

Seriously, he’s the best part of this movie, which regretfully isn’t saying much.
Not that it was winning any major literary prizes, but WHY bother deviating from the book and changing things up? The book has sold a gajillion copies – do you really think the end needs tweaking?

Like, people won’t buy it if you take out her brother, make the old dead naked dude not her grandfather, etc.? They already have!

Like, I don’t even care and yet I care about this.
Audrey Tautou – I like you. I initially didn’t think you’d work, but you do.

And you have the most adorable little mouth. Appear in more movies, preferably ones that don’t suck.
Yes, I know the book was fromage, but the way certain scenes were shot were laughably bad.

I cite any time the Albino appeared out of nowhere to body check someone. SO lame. Or the scene where that chauffeur guy buys the farm – now I realize I know how the story went, but SERIOUSLY, the not-showing-the-bad-guy-so-the-viewer-is-held-in-suspense is so tacky.

Is there anyone anywhere in the world that didn’t see it coming?
Worst.DVD.

Ever. I couldn’t hear it. Now I realize that I’m watching it on a lap top, but I had to plug in ear phones to hear it.

And the previews. And the SUPER tacky plug for Angels Demons before the movie started. And the fact that it runs on that really irritating viewer thing that doesn’t work with my screensaver.

Go away, DVD.