"How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke.

This guy can lose elections he's not even in." --David Letterman Can you imagine that -- Bush demanding an apology for someone stumbling over his words? .

.. Kerry should have tried the Bush strategy: say so many stupid things, no one cares anymore.

" --Jay Leno "Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end.

In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. "Senator John Kerry gave his opponents in the struggling Republican Party a much needed distraction when he told a college audience on Monday that if you don't do well in school, you might get stuck in Iraq. Some people are taking that as a slam against our troops.

Kerry says it was a botched joke about the president being dumb. It doesn't bode well when you try to make a joke about someone being dumb and you wind up looking even dumber." --Jimmy Kimmel "I think it's important to note that nobody hates the troops more than decorated war hero John Kerry.

We're all very, very lucky that we have draft-dodgers like George Bush and Dick Cheney to point that out to us." --Jimmy Kimmel "Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.

" --Conan O'Brien "John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, 'What?

People are listening to my speeches?'" --Jay Leno "The senator tried to explain it all away by saying he was actually making a joke about the president, but he just botched the joke by leaving out the word 'us'..

. Where would you put the word 'us'? 'If you don't make an effort to be smart, you get US stuck in Iraq'?

Does anyone understand that?" --Stephen Colbert "To his credit, John Kerry was very, very upset about the joke and he apologized. As a matter of fact, all day long, he's been walking around with a long face.

" --David Letterman "Kerry personally apologized to any service members who were offended by what he said. Kerry said he was drunk at the time and he's going to enter rehab." --Jay Leno "Oil prices have now dropped below $58 a barrel, which if my math is correct, means the election is less than a week away.

Better fill up by Tuesday." --Jay Leno "We turned the clocks back over the weekend, which is great news for the Republicans. They got to stay in power for an extra hour.

" --Jay Leno "Congressman Duncan Hunter announced he's thinking about running for president in 2008 and he's put together an exploratory committee. The first thing the exploratory committee is going to do is find out, 'Who the hell is Duncan Hunter?'" --Conan O'Brien "The Republicans had an ideological agenda, and look where it's gotten us.

Right now, Americans are finding the Democrats' utter lack of vision or coherent world view very appealing." --John Oliver "Have you heard about the Michael J. Fox situation?

He's been doing ads in support of candidates who are for stem cell research. And Rush Limbaugh attacked him and said that Michael J. Fox was off his medication when he filmed the ad, so that he'd look shakier.

He said, if he's not going to take his prescription drugs, he knows a fat drug addict who will." --Bill Maher "They asked (Bush) last week about the Internet. He said he uses 'the google.

' But come on, in his defense, politicians are always mixing up Internet lingo. Mark Foley once told a kid, 'I'd like to get on your YouTube.'.

" --Bill Maher at 12:12 PM "How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires.