Joan Taber: TV News: Mugging Murder Sans Nipples

I d like to thank television news stations for their recent airing of the murder of two unarmed auxiliary police officers in New York City. What a terrific educational experience it was for me and for untold thousands of others to have witnessed these murders. Indeed, it was almost as good as seeing it in real life.

Your obligatory warning that some viewers might find the scene upsetting isn t that the word you all used upsetting ? was hardly necessary, since we re used to seeing murders in our everyday TV programming and cinematic extravaganzas. But, that s only acting, isn t it?

Oh, and thanks for showing the murders more than once. That was particularly edifying because, like every great book or film, the more you experience a horror, the more you learn from it.
Before this television-news thrill, I had thought that the highlight of TV journalism shone in the film footage of the 101-year-old woman being punched in the head and knocked to the floor by that big ugly man.

(Oh, excuse me; I meant to say alleged ugly man, who is clearly innocent until proven guilty.) I believe that news programs ran the scene a few thousand times, which was especially educational; and thank goodness you didn t forewarn viewers. Nope.

That would have taken away some of the punch oh, do pardon the pun of the exciting footage.
I wonder if there isn t a soupcon of irony in that we re not permitted to see footage of coffins returning from Bush s Iraqi war, but we re treated to repeated viewings of a double murder and mugging. It begs the question is one double murder and one mugging enough?

In the past, television audiences have only been allowed to see respectful footage of blood pools and dead bodies covered by tarps. Oh, you re such teasers. Surely, you understand our need for more.

Otherwise, you wouldn t have shown those murders, which has, without a doubt, eased the pain of the victims families.
Maybe the people in charge of news coverage could lobby for the right to air even more bloodshed. We, the stupid viewing public, have the right to see people lose their lives.

It s educational. It prepares toddlers and young children for the reality of living in a warring world in which humans attack one another, eat and wear the flesh of lower animals, and glorify stupidity at every level of human activity. It teaches potential criminals that they, too, can step into the limelight by committing any sort of atrocity.

In fact, the more atrocious the act, the more attention and adoration they ll receive from news media. Hell, they might even qualify for free counseling and a made-for-TV movie.
I m sure we all remember what care television stations took to put that blurry cinematic circle around Janet Jackson s nipple.

Now, that was smart. God forbid that some impressionable toddler catch sight of one of those things on a woman. Who knows what damage it could do.

Some depraved teenager might even have TVO d that nipple and committed god-knows what sort of depravity as a result of repeated nipple viewings. But, it s okay to show those murders and it s nothing short of educational to show the mugging. Now, we know that if you live past 100, you run the risk of getting beaten up.

Keep up the good work, news people. Hide the nipples! Ignore the coffins of war.

But never give up your right to air the very best of the human condition.