Sally and James, both 32, have been trying for a baby for 12 months while leading busy lives and working long hours. With every failed attempt, Sally has grown more frantic and controlling, sapping every last ounce of spontaneity and enjoyment out of sex. Meanwhile, James is increasingly lives.
ldquo;I keep telling her to relax and it will happen, rdquo; he says. ldquo;I can rsquo;t cope with the constant reminder that we are trying for a baby. It has consumed us.
Before I rsquo;ve even opened my eyes in the morning, I hear the bleep of the bloody thermometer, telling us when Sally has the greatest chance of conceiving. And then there are the texts, such as the one I received at work last week: lsquo;Stringy mucus, peak day, don rsquo;t be late. rsquo; What a turn-off.
I was furious that I was expected to perform that evening. I came home angry, so we had a big row and no sex. ldquo;I want sex as it used to be, not the pillow-under-the-bum, missionary position, because someone told her that if she goes on top, the sperm don rsquo;t know what direction to swim in to get to the egg.
And woe betide me if I get horny when she rsquo;s not ovulating. I am to save my sperm for the right time. It rsquo;s as though our bedroom is full of fertility experts monitoring us, there are so many rules and regulations.
I want the old Sally back, not the baby-obsessed Sally who is on the computer, engrossed in fertility chat rooms, when I get home every night. The worst time of all is when her period comes. It rsquo;s all tears, depression and misery.
It seems there is nothing I can do to make it better ndash; aside from impregnating her, of Sally, meanwhile, feels that she is bearing the full burden of trying to conceive. ldquo;I feel I am doing everything to get this baby: I read the books, take the vitamins. The one thing I ask him to do is to have sex with me, and he can rsquo;t even do that without a row.
I don rsquo;t think he wants this as much as I do. I feel he is blocking what I want by not having sex. I panic around ovulation, as I feel I have to cajole him into having sex, and I don rsquo;t feel at all sexy any more.
rdquo; Struggling to get pregnant is tough on both sexes. Even if you do everything by the book to achieve a healthy pregnancy, it is not a given ndash; which is can achieve anything through hard work and determination. If you view conception as a task to be achieved, the intimacy seeps out of the Let rsquo;s debunk some myths.
First, a woman doesn rsquo;t need a cushion under her bum to conceive. But it does help to lie flat for 20 minutes after sex (the sexual position is irrelevant). And please don rsquo;t stare at the clock, watching those 20 minutes pass.
Instead, make the most of that blissful Second, sperm are smart. They do not fall out and they know their way to the egg. The flow-back sensation a woman feels after sex is simply part of the seminal fluid coming away.
And, by the way, you do not have to ldquo;save up rdquo; Third, throw away the thermometer and temperature charts, as there is no they may miss a good part of the fertile window, the five days leading up to ovulation. If (as they are doing) they then stop having sex for the next two weeks, by the time James revs up again for the next window, his sperm is likely to be old and less effective. It would be far better for them to have sex regularly throughout the month, or for James to masturbate if they don rsquo;t, so that his sperm is fresh.
and work on getting back the intimacy. As they are both so young, they can afford to take their time before going down the IVF route. Besides, their of her reproductive cycle.
Describing her secretions is, unsurprisingly, a turn-off. Not knowing every detail won rsquo;t mean that James is sharing in the experience any less (I mean, women don rsquo;t generally discuss their period flow with their boyfriends or husbands, do they?).
In fact, discussions about babies should be avoided altogether over the next three months. Sally and made to feel like a baby-making machine. For a man to have sex, he has to pregnant more easily than their wives, because of the high testosterone level associated with passion.
Robin Baker, the author of Sperm Wars, says: with a regular partner. rdquo; Keeping sex and passion alive requires energy, so, Sally, rest more if you need to, and use that extra energy to unleash As for James rsquo;s feelings of helplessness, he mustn rsquo;t feel it is his job to fix things. It rsquo;s hard for a man to understand a woman rsquo;s burning desire for a baby.
The best thing James can do is be supportive and listen. Then, if, after three months of not trying for a baby, nothing has happened, and it is really getting Sally and James down, they should seek advice from their Make Me a Baby starts June 14, BBC3, 9pm
fertility guru, having made her name helping celebrities such as Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett through their pregnancies. She has been a midwife West runs a holistic pregnancy and fertility clinic in central London, is appearances.
News RSS