Once upon a time, in an alcohol-soaked land not so far away, there lived a lovely girl who was known far and wide for her blunt honesty...

This is her version of how it all went to hell in a handbasket.
I rock at life..

.
That's all you really need to know.
I LOVE SMOKING!

!! I haven’t had a cigarette in 3 days and I think that I may die… soon.

Don't smoke? Think of it like this; You're 8 years old, it's Christmas morning and your perfect present is under the tree..

.but you're locked in your room. Meanwhile your father is outside your room giving a rather jovial and descript analyses of the progress your mother is making.

.. skinning your beloved dog alive.

and you're on fire.

If I go through all of this "not smoking" crap and end up getting cancer anyway..

. I'll be fairly upset.

Wanna see me pimping the Serial Killer Indian look?

I'm the one with the full headdress in the lower left...

.

This is one of those more cerebral/analytical posts.

.. not the norm here, I know, so feel free to skip.

I was talking to my very intoxicated cousin last evening, and he was asking me for relationship advice...

This amuses me. I am amused because we all know that I don't have successful, lasting relationships. It's not for a lack of wanting or trying, it's because I just can't find any guy who is right for me.

And to be honest, I don't think I'm asking for so much...

I just want a guy who is moderately attractive, (I don't have strict limits on anything physical, as most of you know from my photo-array of all my former Mr. Lizzles) I like to think that as far as the physical goes, it really doesn't matter, but since we all know that it does play a role even if we say it doesn't, I like guys with that "all american boy" kind of charm..

. So yeah, I just want an all american boy who has a decent sense of humor, and is willing to laugh at himself (and at me, when appropriate). And I think more than anything I want someone who is strong enough in character to have his own opinons while still giving a degree of consideration to mine.

Is that so much to ask? I didn't think so, but I guess it is..

.


But anyway, while I was talking to my cousin, he was seeking a little bit of relationship advice. In his very drunken text messages, he was telling me how much he cares about his girlfriend of 6 months, asking me what he should do to celebrate their 6 months together.

He then asked me if 6 months was too soon to be so serious, (i.e. was he missing out on college life, etc.

) and the only answer I could give him required me to go on record about my feelings on cheating. So I might as well let everybody know..

. I'm pretty obviously anti-cheating, I've never cheated, and based on my own philosophy of anti-cheating, I have no intention of ever starting. Here's why.

If you're in a relationship where you feel like you are willing to commit yourself to the one person who you care about, and you've both decided that it's a mutually exclusive commitment, then you have pretty much stated that you care enough to be with that one person, and nobody else. And if you feel the need to be with someone else, then you obviously don't care about that other person quite enough to be with only them, so why bother being with them at all? I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense in my head, so that's why it's my philosophy and not yours.

.. I'm not preaching or anything, just putting my shit out there.

(That's what I do here...

so get over it.)

Mark is a champ again with on the soccer field. Way to go honey, you're such a superstar!

!!

I talked to my dad today.

He was calling just to make his standard every-other-weekly call...

We talked about school, weather, baseball, football, and just as I could tell he was about to get off the line without saying anything I thought I'd go ahead and bring it up. Here's how it went down:
Dad: "Well, kiddo, you sound like things are going pretty well, study hard for those exams..

."
Liz: "Oh, hey, dad, I've got a question for you."
Dad: "Yeah?

"
Liz: "You don' t happen to remember what last Monday was, do you?"
Dad: [LONG pause] "Oh, shit..

. I'm sorry."
Liz: "Yeah, I figured you just got busy and forgot.

"
Dad: "Yeah, honey, I'm sorry. Well, how was your 22nd birthday?" (He verbally noted my age to prove he had at least remembered what year I was born)
Liz: "It was good, it was fall break, so we had a couple extra days to celebrate.

"
Dad: "Well, you know maybe if you called more often I'd be more likely to remember."
Liz: "..

. Yeah..

. Well, I think we're just mutually busy."

(Please go back and read that last exchange again.

.. My father, who is responsible for half of my genetic makeup forgot my birthday, (as if that isn't bad enough) he then tried to put it back on me after I reminded him.

.. and upon hearing that, did I take the chance to rip him a new one?

No. I was nice enough to let it slide..

.)

Even though it's futile, I'm still rooting for the BoSox..

. the only team left in the playoffs with any indication of a soul.

================================

QOTD
10.

18.04 - "Have you ever woken up mortified at yourself for something you did in a dream? Last night I dreamt that I walked with Dave Coulier as he threw a cripple's wheelchair up a hill.

We then laughed with Uncle Jesse and Danny Tanner as we watched her try to get up the hill to her wheelchair. We were laughing so hard that the filming of Full House had to stop..

. I finally get a chance to be on tv and I blew it!" ~ Abbey P.

I gotta ask, what the hell is going on with the squirrels? Yeah, you heard me, the squirrels.

I don't know if it's something to do with me, or if it is squirrel-barking season, or if it's mating season, or what, but the squirrels are barking like no tomorrow! Yeah, you read that right, SQUIRRELS ARE BARKING! For those of you who are unaware of this phenomenon, squirrels can, and in fact DO bark.

If you've never experienced this, and are in the greater Chicagoland area, please talk to my former roommate, Heather Linich. She is familliar with it, and she does her own impression/interpretation, and to be quite honest, I've seen her rendition of it, and it is undoubtedly funnier than anything that I could possibly offer up as demonstration. That said, let's move on to the regular daily entry.

=================================

Well, last night was a lovely little exercise in semi-spontaneous drinking activity. While I was still in class Jen called to see if I wanted to go to the Cubs game (the regular season homestand finale..

.) alas, class and work did not leave room in my schedule for spontaneous baseball enjoyment. So we opted to get together and drink instead.

Add a couple of friends, a quick yet fabulous sushi dinner, couple bottles of wine and a few phone calls later, we were off to Full Shilling and then to Irish Oak. We were met by Ben, and GET THIS, RACHEL. Read that last bit again.

Yeah, Rachel came out. This should be noted because for those of you who know Rachel know that Rachel doesn't come out with us EVER. We love Rachel, and we're thrilled that she finally gave in to all of our cajolling and came along after class to laugh at our drunk asses.

And I definitely left the bar without keys, so I had to sit outside and wait for Jen to come home...

and I sat on the el, and had a lovely bonding moment with one of those attack dogs that the CTA security people show off all the time...

but that's neither here nor there.

Unfortunately, I chose to abuse my liver on a weeknight, which meant that classes were somewhat less than enjoyable because it was 100% necessary that I attend Brain Behavior today. I went to Stats long enough to retrieve my test (which I got a 101 on.

...

even though I was totally unaware that was even possible in college...

but anyway...

) and then I left, because I just really didn't want to stay. So I went to work. I mean if I'm gonna kill time, I'm gonna get paid to do it.

Work was a mixed bag as usual. Nobody but me cares about all of that mess, so I'll just spare you the details. But I did have plans to go out with Alana tonight, and she was feeling a bit under the weather, and honestly, I am kind of grateful for the cancellation because I was kinda tired myself.

Staying in prompted some interesting weekend television viewing...

Basically TV on a Friday night really sucks, and I'm glad that I spend my time and money abusing my liver at the bars instead. For example, I was channel surfing and happened across a movie that featured Drew Barrymore..

. Apparently this was one of her lesser known works. Stop me if you've heard of this one before "Doppelganger".

.. Yeah, I didn't think so.

I caught only about 5 minutes of what I assume was the end...

Why do I assume it was the end? Because Drew shed her skin, (literally) and turned into two creatures, and generally this sort of thing happens at the end of movies..

.. don't believe me?

Well seeing this stuff was kind of disturbing, and so I did a little homework. (How else would I know that the movie was called "Doppelganger"for cryin' out loud?) So here's the IMDB plot summary for this piece of cinematic.

.. uhh.

.. well, there really is no good noun for this.

.. anyway here's the plot summary courtesy of the fine folks at IMDB

Doppelganger (1993)

"A woman (Barrymore) moves from NYC to LA after a murder, in which she is implicated.

She is followed by what is apparently her evil alter- ego. She moves into a room for rent by a writer (Newbern), and he begins having an affair with her, but after some strange things happen, he's not so sure if the affair is with her or her doppelganger."

Yeah.

.. so now it's all perfectly clear.

Now if only we knew what the fuck a Doppelganger was...

But really, that's all there is about this gem. There is no other background, nothing. Don't believe me?

There was also some kind of odd Camelot-themed film with wizards, really shiny armor, and castles, and jousts taking place in some kind of mystical forest, which, if you ask me is really quite impractical. But I didn't know enough to track that one down..

. so we'll just pretend that never happened, and that I didn't lose precious moments from my life while contemplating "how they kept all that armor so shiny" and "who the hell thought it would be a good idea to joust in the mystical forest?" Yes.

.. After realizing that I sat and asked myself these questions on a Friday night, I also came to the conclusion that my life is now a hollow, empty shell, lacking any semblance of what used to be my pride.

Pathetic, I know.

Wow, that was a very self-depracating paragraph.

And I have to wonder, why, since late June do I all of a sudden experience hangovers at a suddenly WAY higher rate than I used to?

Prior to June I had only had three hangovers in all of my years of drinking, (Yes I said years...

I drank prior to turning 21...

sorry mom.) Just 3 hangovers in all that time. (Now, one of those times the hangover was coupled with a migraine headache, which prompted me to PRAY FOR DEATH.

SERIOUSLY...

) Now don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for every last one of the times when I drank and suffered no ill effects the following day, but I'm just a bit thrown by the fact that since the family reunion I have had hangovers ranging all over the suffering-spectrum just about every time I've had more than 2 or 3 beverages...

. (which is roughly every time I drink.) I'm not at all pleased with this new development.

==================================

On par with the great hilarious links that I love to hear about, past hits have included this gem, If you haven't visited already, go now, be sure you scroll down, and explore the page a bit...

PURE COMEDY, REALLY.

The newest addition, (courtesy of Alana) has got to be Another one worth exploration. Just spectacular comedy here.

If you know of anymore gems such as these, please by all means submit them for consideration!

=================================

Just to make my readership aware: I got another free party at Hi-Tops..

. so it's on for my birthday weekend. For those of you who haven't experienced the VIP parties we have at HiTops, here's the skinny: No cover from 8-10 and open bar from 9-10.

Yup OPEN BAR! God I love this city!

=================================

I know all you want to stop reading this gibberish and get back to your lives, so I'll just give you what you want.

.. Gotta please the masses.

QOTD
9.30.04 - "Yeah, fine, I'll make an appearance.

" ~ Rachel (it's QOTD if only because we've NEVER heard those words before and are unlikely to hear them again)

10.1.04 - "So wait, according to this chick's theory any time a guy proposes sex to a girl she's just gonna drop her panties and go to it?

" ~A frat boy in my philosophy of medical ethics class totally misunderstanding feminist theory...

and then making a typical frat boy comment.

Val Kilmer was SUPER HOT ..

. where the hell did he go?

Who knew Billy Bob Thornton was in "Tombstone" .

.. and he was FAT!

This was crazy stuff that went totally unnoticed by the masses.

You know you love it.

I sometimes hate myself for letting my athlete friends talk me into providing them with moral support and freeze my ass off when I should still be sleeping.

...

Oh my life.

"Show me the way to the next whiskey bar..

."

I abuse commas and the ..

. (dot dot dot) but you love me anyway right.

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