"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet." "The greatest possession you have is the 24 hours directly in front of you."
"When god closes a door, he always opens a window, because you can't throw yourself out of a door." "Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them."
"If you need a friend, get a dog." "The 1961 Ferrari, two-fifty GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion..
.It is his fault he didn't lock the garage."
"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing. Only a person who risks is free."
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." "Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend "Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?" "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"To alcohol, the nights that you’ll never remember, with the friends you’ll never "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than "There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past." "I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know,
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
"
"Retail is for suckers." "Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love. '"Beep.
" "Uh, yeah...
this is the VD clinic calling...
Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love."
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
"When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
"Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?" "You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning." "Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?" not called a racist?
"
"PA State Cop: Pull over. Harry: No. It's a cardigan. But thanks for noticing. Lloyd Christmas: Yeah. Killer boots man.
"
"Airport Clerk: Sir, you can't go in there! Lloyd Christmas: It's ok, I'm a limo "Lloyd Christmas: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up money for a pet store. I got worms! Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon? Lloyd Christmas: I got worms!
That's what we're going to call it.
"Harry: Check out the funbags on that hosehound." "Lloyd Christmas: So where are you headin'? Mary Swanson: Aspen. Lloyd Christmas: Hmmm,
"Would you like to dippasize your meal for 25 cents more? How bout I punchisize your "Do I look like a cat to you? Do you see me jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Do I lick milk from a saucer?"
"It stinks like sex in here."
"You wanna take this one Rod? Hell yeah. I bet you do" "Sunshine on my god damn shoulders John Denver!"
"Pull over! I'm already pulled over! He's already pulled over, he can't pull over anymore! I'm freakin out man!"
"Do you know why we really pulled you over? Littering and ..littering and ? Littering and.
. Littering and..
Littering and.. smokin the reefer!
..now we're gonna make you boys smoke this whole bag right now!
"
"It's not so funny meow is it?" "That was the first time in my life that I wanted to be Chuck Norris." "Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual.
It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility.
At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford.
You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism.
Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority.
In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock.
Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your ass. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and, uh, Against All Odds.
Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a
"Maximus: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
"Kathryn: Eat me, Sebastian. It's okay for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone but when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady?
I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself."
"Hey, how exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does the sun set? How exactly does the posi-trac rear end on a Plymouth work?-it just does." - Joe Dirte (pronounced
"Soooo if Ludacris can get a SAG award, so can I."
"A good friend picks you up when you fall...a best friend laughs her ass off, trips you again, and calls you a slut."
"(Ted) "Surely you can't e serioius." (Dr. Womak) "Yes i am serious, and don't call me you even get a license plate."
"Looks like somebody unplugged the power the DJ booth!" "You figure- we probably have the best H-O-R-S-E venue in the nation."
"If you can stick your fingers in it- and then it gets lost, thats how you know" "Yeah dude, she totally has side-ass." "I said yes, she said no, she said shut up..."
"Are you guys really in here folding pocket squares?" "Last one there's a Penis Pump!"
"Scott the douche!" "Daddy! I want my oompa loompa now!!"
"I guess the city finally did something about the squirrel problem." "She's just fat enough- she's probably a freak!"
"I'm going to take a piss in the back yard. / Well that's fine, but thats the front "So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."
"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint." "Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got "I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook." "Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"
"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating." "She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your "I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"
"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH" "I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even taken the book out of the saran wrap.
"
"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me." "You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!" "Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’ [short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a little bit, later bye."
"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"
"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."
"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"
"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."
"Júlio… Baptista!! A.K.A.
‘the bat’"
"Dude, I’d rather rollerblade on a treadmill" "Scott: Craig's List is awesome! Ramsey: Really? What do you look for? Scott: Oh, you know -- snowboards, motorcycles, and bed frames.
"This is the best day ever!
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