SURF'S UP: The Fantastic Four sequel, Rise of the Silver Surfer, has risen to the top of the US box office. Weta brings Silver Surfer to life Subscribe to Archivestuff Have your say Jessica Alba gets married in the Fantastic Four sequel, something that's sure to cause grief among the legions of fans that worship at the Hollywood hottie's feet. But it's just one of four films - including Good Luck Chuck, Awake and Bill - to be released this year in which Alba will walk down the aisle.
Better get used to it. Much more upsetting is the fact that Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is as generic as a big screen adaptation of a comic book can be. After the delights of the Spider-Man franchise, Superman Returns and the resurrected Batman Begins, that's not something we're used to.
With an uninspired plot, wooden acting and a "baddie" that doesn't even come close to living up to that title, Silver Surfer is almost guaranteed to take the title of the lamest comic book adaptation yet. The original, released to critical derision but commercial success in 2005, at least managed to generate a feeling of comraderie among its four superheroes - Mr Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch and the Thing. Here, the quartet are so wooden it feels like their scenes were filmed seperately.
The cat in Shrek often shows more animation than these statues. The worst offenders, Jessica Alba and Ioan Gruffudd, are the two that should be the most emotive - their characters are the ones supposedly wildly in love as they head down the aisle. If you didn't know they were getting married, you'd think they were brother and sister.
Thankfully, Michael Chiklis puts a bit of life into the Thing, despite the acres of make-up - even if his one-liners rival anything Arnold Schwarzenegger uttered in the '90s. Plot-wise, the Fantastic Four are still getting used to their new-found celebrity status and preparing for Mr Fantastic and the Invisible Woman's wedding, when the Silver Surfer (voiced by Laurence Fishburne) begins preparing the planet to be eaten by a giant evil galaxy called Galactus. And, erm, that's pretty much it.
Don't worry - your five-year-old will follow it no sweat. It doesn't help that the film's "bad guy" isn't bad at all. He's a Cyberman riding some kind of magical surfboard.
That's not scary - that's just silly. At least Nip/Tuck's Julian McMahon injects a bit of venom into Victor Von Doom near the end of the film. But, despite some cool sequences as Galactus closes in on Earth, it's too little too late.
So the Fantastic Four aren't that fantastic after all. And if this is a sign of things to come, it's going to be one hell of a long year for Jessica Alba fans.
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