5 million. The deadline is today. (See Popbandforsale.
com) Never heard of them? They had a "hit" in 1994 with Cotton Eye Joe. You might have heard the song at Nuggets and Avalanche games, when some limber-limbed fool in the crowd will begin dancing like a billy goat on methamphetamine.
Go to the Web site and you'll be especially amused by how the obscure band tries to ally itself with some of the biggest music stars. To wit: "Rednex (has) been produced by the producers of Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, *NSync, Celine Dion and Bon Jovi." The same producers?
Isn't that like owning a towel with which Elvis once wiped his forehead? The band also has songs on movie soundtracks, though citing Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror probably won't drum up much interest. That $1.
5 million is a starting bid, and here's what's at stake: "The buyer will get 100 percent of the shares to the Swedish company Rednex AB, including all trademarks, contracts, trading rights, power of the artistry and ...
opportunities (in) the future." Best of all, administrative costs are only $4,000 to $5,000 a year. You can't even get a good tour bus for that.
I guess technically that means you could buy the band and make it do all its subsequent recordings in Urdu songs which you, of course, would write. It's a new approach to getting attention, especially if you're Swedish and your band's name isn't Abba. What's the alternative?
Set yourself on fire? Reading about Rednex, I couldn't help wondering if this same approach might not benefit a few of our homegrown stars. Why send Paris Hilton to a prison tent when you could auction her on eBay for a 45-day serfdom?
Teach her that sometimes "the simple life" means picking up dog poop in the backyard of someone in Phoenix. Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan? Forget rehab; peddle them on the Web.
Those accustomed to being treated like stars might benefit from a little human bondage I mean, bonding. Imagine if you suddenly had artistic control over David Hasselhoff's career. How to counter that nasty publicity over a video showing him drunkenly trying to scarf down a hamburger?
Stick him in Knight Rider versus Jason and Freddy and don't let him sing on the soundtrack. Alec Baldwin? Purchase his contract and have him announce Rockies games.
Eventually his tirades might fire up the crowd. I could go on. I've always wanted to see Whitney Houston drive a city bus in pursuit of a little humility, while Celine Dion detractors would have a field day forcing her to do covers of Black Sabbath songs.
Ozzie and Celine: Together at Last! It's doubtful Rednex actually will command $1.5 million.
As this column went to press, there had been no bidders. Instead, the group has gotten something more valuable: exposure. Maybe Cotton Eye Joe will even sell a few more copies.
I'm not inclined to bid on ownership of a group called Rednex. But should Little Richard or those guys who made Dueling Banjos come on the market, please, give me a call. Mike Pearson is features editor.
pearsonm@RockyMountainNews.com or 303-954-2592.
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