August 22nd, 2006 at 14:30 by Stuart Heritage
Which is strange, since the majority of people start crying at Paris Hilton s music because it s transparently a cynical vanity project that thinks that ripping off UB40 badly is a good idea, not because of any notions of it being good.
But, hey, tears are tears. If it s as near to an apology as we ll get, we ll take whatever we can.
Paris Hilton seems to be a woman with limitless capabilities.
There s a Paris Hilton book on the shelves, there was a Paris Hilton perfume out way before had the same idea, Paris Hilton has shown that she can just as well as the next man, the Paris Hilton internet sex tape is wildly popular and she can also better than anyone on Earth. So it was always a matter of time before Paris Hilton released a CD.
The signs were there; and making all kinds of dark talk about , and then the single Stars Are Blind was released, hitting the heady heights of number 17 in the Dutch music charts.
And to follow up that remarkable trick, Paris Hilton has started to plug her new album too. She s already been doing this to some extent, like when she told a magazine , but now Paris Hilton is going all out - by telling anyone that ll listen that her album is so good it reduces adults to tears. Well, one adult specifically.
Her:
I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it s so good.
And, despite what your ears and brain have been telling you, people love the music that Paris Hilton makes. We know this because Paris Hilton says so too:
People go crazy.
They love it. Everyone s like, Who is this? I don t tell.
Because I don t want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it. I think when people don t know it s me, they won t judge it. But if they know it s me, then they ll be like, Ugh.
They won t even dance.
Obviously it d be churlish to suggest that people don t know who is singing the Paris Hilton songs because her voice has been so autotuned that it sound like it s been intoned by a steam-powered robot from the 1930s. But we are churlish, so there.
I wouldn t say its so good I d cry.
But it is phresh and that is a good thing from me.
Plus its damn catchy 2.
I ain t singin 2 songs causes thats just odd and I hate people that do that.
But it does have flava and I would like 2 see another album from P.
God damn I knew I should have gotten the 2 Cd with Dvd.
anyway stay cool Paris and have a dope arse day whereeva u at.
holla at cha boi.
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