April 27th, 2007 at 13:30 by Shawn Lindseth
hecklerspray was in a Nicaraguan jail for seven years. The undead corpse of Hannibal Smith broke us out because we were innocent and he could totally relate.
What a horrible time we had in there though.
The cherry cobbler was made from a can, the sauna motor was running until like 2am every night, and our cell mates had no concept of spooning. It was absolute hell.
If you gotta do time, don t do it in Nicaragua.
Do it in India, like Richard Gere - their jails melt away when it rains. Now Gere hasn t done time yet, but India s panging for him. They demand justice because he had the audacity to enslave several children while he was there - he had to though.
He was looking for the sacred stones in the basement of an ancient palace.
Or was it for kissing a girl s cheek on television? Yeah, actually that s what it was.
If Richard Gere is still in India, he s probably living in fear. Every time there s a knock at the door he must be wondering if it s an Indian police squad waiting to push him around a bit with stubby bamboo shoots. When he goes to the grocery store to buy muddy water in a filthy bag (a tradition started in 500 AD by Ghandi s mother, or so we re told), he likely looks over his shoulder constantly.
That s because India has ordered Richard Gere incarcerated. And his crime - kissing what s probably a woman on the cheek. According to Reuters:
An Indian court ordered the arrest of Hollywood star Richard Gere on Thursday for kissing Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS campaign event this month saying it was an obscene act committed in public.
You remember that kiss, right? It caused an a few weeks back - culminating in a Gere look-alike being . To get a warrant, the video was shown to a judge who promptly watched it two more times.
He then asked his wife for a shoulder rub while he watched it again, slowing down for the good parts. After such intense study, his majesty declared the piece utter filth while putting a masking tape label on it and storing it between two alphabetical shelf-neighbours. The movie star faces up to three months in jail, a fine or both.
He s not in India now.
Reportedly Gere s being pushed to apologise to Shilpa Shetty s saint of a father, several blue Gods, and Al Sharpton - because advertisers say white listeners might buy their product too, damn it!
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