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Amaze me

Amaze me
John Hitch  |  by www.smh.com.au. All rights reserved. 19.07 | 11:15

Will the next Logies be another red-carpet yawn? Janice Breen Burns hopes not.
I PINE FOR BJORK'S DEAD-SWAN frock, don't you?

Of course you do: its slack neck elegantly curled around hers, its orange plastic beak gently nuzzling her right nipple, its body a shivering foof her infamous swan frock, coy as a bogan bridesmaid, was a revelation not repeated since, except by a sniggeringly long line of merciless mockers, God love them.
Those were the days. You could whip yourself into a legitimate least one or - score!

- two or three overly spangled, to Cabramatta. Frock watching was a bitchy, thrill-a-minute sport, frock-Olympians.
What happened?

Bjork was among the last of the modish Mohicans. Maybe it was the effect of 9/11 later that year, but the exhilarating era of "What-was-she-thinking?" frocks dwindled as fast as the palaver over Bjork's beaked tulle foof swelled.


In the swan frock's humiliating wake, starlets got cluey. Got stylists. Got deadly serious about the business of red-carpet frocking.

Now a smattering of spud-bag cleavages and the odd frock tragic fired up and gossiping for years.
These days, red carpets are rivers of good frocks, nice frocks, charming, pretty, elegant and glamorous frocks. Perfect frocks.

Few genuinely crap frocks. There are so many genuinely nice frocks, in fact, that the spectator sport of red-carpet frock-Olympics has become a bit of a yawn. Gorgeousness is common, drop-deadness a rarity, and ill-advised, unstyled OTT frocks virtually extinct.

glint in her eye.
Beyond the velvet ropes, the impact of all this uniformly styled loveliness is sadly evident too: "She looks nice." "Yeah, she looks nice.

" "Yeah, that's a nice frock." "Yeah, that's a nice one, too."
Give me strength.

It's a phenomenon bound to repeat when the red carpet is unrolled at Crown on May 6 and television's most coiffed, plucked and frocked flood along it for the 2007 Logie Awards. I pray that among them will be a jaw-dropper or two, the sartorial equivalent of a dead swan or three, a spud-bag, an ill-judged slit . .

. anything to fracture the flat line of carefully staged, Hollywood-gorgeous hair, teeth, nails, diamonds, tans, heels and frocks.

A regular contributor to the spectacle, Melbourne designer John Cavill, says the odd sameness that's settled like a cataract over red carpets such as the Logies, Grammys, Golden Globes and Oscars can't be blamed on the frocks per se.

"It's what I call 'applicability' that's lacking," he says.
stylists and the wide practice of borrowing designer frocks, many gowns are not specifically matched to the wearer.
Only a frock fashioned around a woman's curves and bones, her rabble, reckons Cavill, and evoke the legendary "wow!

" response that every starlet secretly craves.
"But, there is a perfect frock, in fact, that flatters most women," he says. Not surprisingly, it is one of his own.

"I Calm days; and I've updated it recently."
event's co-host, Livinia Nixon. It's an empress-style dress with sequined bodice and a lean silk drop, sunray-pleated to emphasise elegant posture.

"That's a 'wow'," says Cavill.
Designer Craig Braybrook, another regular contributor to the Logies red-carpet spectacle, defines the perfect frock as one that slithers down the body and moves with the wearer. "It's slinky, very fitted, in liquid silk or something sensuous, down to about movement.

"
century and, on the right woman, it would echo enough in all our psyches to warrant a sharp intake of breath and a "wow". That, or red-carpet disaster worth bitching about, will make my Logies.
9.

Read more on by www.smh.com.au. All rights reserved.
Keywords: Dead Swan, Bjork s
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