24 Day 6: 1 a.m. to 2 a.
m.
I want you to keep in mind that I have a Tivo. This allows me to pause, rewind or fast forward television shows I have recorded. Which means last week, when my friend Kevin called during "Lost," it wasn't that big of a deal, despite the fact that after a few minutes I said "Well, that sounds interesting, Kevin, but 'Lost' is on." Kevin knows I have a Tivo, but doesn't watch "Lost," so he can't truly understand.
What does this have to do with "24?
" Well, here's what happened while I was watching this week's episode: I fixed myself a snack, cleaned out a closet, and had a conversation with my cousin, Courtney, about the "funniest movie that is going to come out all year" ("Hot Fuzz," according to her. Quick sidenote about that: If you enjoyed "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz," you owe to yourself to track down their TV series "Spaced.").
At any time, I could have paused "24," or at least rewound to the parts I missed. But you know what? I just didn't care.
Let's see...
The Chinese and their comical accents have the chip and are on the run. Jack is the only one who can talk to Audrey. The Almighty Division has sent a psychiatrist to talk to Audrey ("I'm in charge here!
"). Ricky Schroeder isn't that bad of a guy after all. Morris and Chloe don't wait for lunchtime to break up in the cafeteria; they do their big melodramatic break up right outside the classroom (possibly in the same place Milo and Nadia had their big make out scene a few hours ago).
There are two notable quotes from this episode. One is from Jack. "I know how it feels.
It feels like it's never going to end." Yes, Jack, we all know how that feels. From about the time Jack's dad left the show this season, this show has turned into utter monkey crap.
Why monkey crap? Because it's somehow more insulting than just mere crap. It's like one step lower on the evolutionary ladder crap.
Plus, since we're watching, it's like the monkeys are actually flinging the crap directly at us, in our living rooms.
The other notable quote is Heller (where the fuck did he come from?) talking to Jack: "Everything you touch turns to death.
" Very true. Sometimes metaphorically true, like Jack's personal life, his relationship with his daughter, Audrey's well-being, etc. And sometimes literally true, like, say Curtis.
Did Curtis really get killed by Jack this season. Was that just this morning?
Speaking of notable quotes, here's one: "Let's face it — 24 simply ain't what it used to be.
Granted, living up to last season's benchmark was a near-impossible feat, but still...
this season has been lambasted by many for being highly derivative of 'days' gone by and even harder-to-believe than expected. Addressing the backlash, executive producer Howard Gordon tells the Los Angeles Times, 'It hurts to hear the criticism,' then goes on to say that such words which haven't killed Jack Bauer will only make him stronger next timer around. 'It's been a challenging season to write.
.. but it's reinvigorated our determination to reinvent the show,' says Gordon.
'This year could be...
the last iteration of its current state.' "
That's from TV Guide. You know, I don't know if something drastic is really needed.
I think they just need to start...
having Kiefer Sutherland in the fucking show he stars in and produces! Is that really that hard of a concept to figure out?
Producer 1: Hey, people really like it when Jack hurts bad guys in new and inventive ways.
Producer 2: Yeah, they do. Let's make this season almost entirely focused on the White House! Even though we made the mistake of killing the likable President Palmer, let's make his brother President.
Remember, the character nobody liked?
Producer 3: Awesome idea! It'll be like "West Wing," but terrible!
Is there any way we can make it worse?
Producer 2: Let's throw in a bunch of characters that nobody knows and nobody cares about! Like Nadia!
And Milo! People have been clamoring for his return since Season One!
Producer 1: Um.
..did you hear what I said about Jack?
Producer 2: Oooh, I just had another idea. Let's make the action character a blond-haired, washed-up star from the 80's, that nobody would ever think for an action character role.
Producer 1: You're talking about Kiefe.
..
Producer 3: Rick Schroeder!
He'd be great! Plus, we can make it look like he's this tough guy, and he's always breaking the rules, but inside, he's doing it for the greater good.
Producer 2: I love it.
Producer 3: I love it.
Producer 1: I still get a paycheck for this right?
Producers 2 and 3: Of course!
Producer 1: I love it.
(Producer 1 has been played by Kiefer Sutherland.)
NEXT WEEK: The Chinese get their bomb going, and it looks like they're probably going to blow something up.
It's probably CTU headquarters, simply because that is the absolute last plot point that hasn't been rehashed during this terrible, terrible season.
Jack Bauer Kill Count (episode): 42 minutes of my precious time.
Jack Bauer Kill Count (season): But at least I got my closet cleaned.
There's No Time: Jack actually said "We're out of time!" at one point, but unfortunately, there was still about 15 minutes left to go.
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