South Park - Defamer

It turns out the fishy-smelling-but-just-amusing- enough-to-post-as-fact news item circulating throughout the European press about a month ago, in which Trey Parker and Matt Stone claimed that , was, in a shocking twist that we could never have anticipated from a source as earnest and trustworthy as the two creators of , :

"South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone know how to punk the press.

Media outlets all over the world picked up on the mischief-makers' recent claim at a U.K. press conference that Saddam Hussein's jailers had told the pair that the dictator had been forced to watch a "South Park" episode depicting him as Satan's gay lover.

"It was a joke," Stone told us at a party celebrating the series' 10th season. Asked if Amnesty International might pursue them, Stone said, "Bring it on! We wish they would.

"

The embarrassing affair should serve as a lesson to an increasingly scoop-hungry and gullible news media operating under the impression that their efforts have no direct effect on global events: Their irresponsible reports not only misled the public, but also inspired the CIA, always on the lookout for new interrogation methods, to subject suspected terrorist detainess in secret Eastern European prisons to the very real "alternative" torture technique of round-the-clock screenings of Mind of Mencia.
In Edinburgh to host a TV festival's Matt Stone told the audience that Saddam Hussein has been subjected to : Bigger, Longer and Uncut during his trial, the animated feature-length film in which Hussein is portrayed as Satan's selfish and meanspirited gay lover. :

Speaking at Edinburgh TV Festival, Matt said: "I have it on pretty good information from the Marines on detail in Iraq that they showed him the movie.
"That's really adding insult to injury.

I bet that made him really happy."
If these tales--of a Clockwork Orange-type scenario in which the former dictator is harnessed to an eyelid-retractor, and forced to absorb over and over his inexcusably abusive behavior towards his emotionally needy screen lover, the Prince of Darkness--are true, the Marines might want to rethink their torture technique. It could end up backfiring on them, when Hussein manages to sway the court away from the death penalty after hearing his moving testimony about having searched his heart for what Brian Boitano would do were he in the same situation, then concluding by attributing his genocidal behavior to Canadian influences.

We pass along the following snippet of conspiracy-minded tinfoil-hattery belched up from within 's corporate bowels and into our inbox earlier today not because we believe there's any truth to it, but rather because we were more than a little amused at how its author connected the seemingly coincidental events of yesterday's announcement of Trey Parker and Matt Stone to cranky, brittle-fist-shaking Viacom potentate 's somewhat more attention-grabbing to work within his multimedia empire. Enjoy:

Viacom Conspiracy Theory: Please note that the pissing contest between Sumner and Xenu began on the same day that announced a two picture deal for the guys. How's this for a scenario: Tom gets wind of the deal and calls Brad Grey telling him to cancel the Important Pictures pact or he'll leave.

Brad Grey kicks it up to Freston who kicks it up to Sumner who -- knowing that negotiations are going poorly and not so fondly recalling being forced to pull the Trapped in the Closet episode or else Cruise wouldn't do press for MI3 -- says, "Fine, goodbye. You and your alien race will bully me no more."

Given the perfect timing, this would be a great opportunity for Stone and Parker to follow up with a full-page ad in the trades trumpeting this ultimate victory over their freshly vanquished nemesis.

Hopefully, they'll get around to it before to offer the out-of-work Cruise a gig in his movie.
Scientologists seize control of the Creative Arts , awarding the prime-time animation statue to The Simpsons over 's . Not particularly caring about the other races but wanting to generally recognize excellence in pay TV programming, the shadowy sect decided to give 17 Emmys to HBO.

[ ]
Marlon Wayans will star in the high-concept comedy Pretty Ugly, in which he'll play a "handsome lifetsyle mogul who wakes up hideously ugly because of a curse," and who, for reasons we will not even attempt to understand, must then disguise himself as a Caucasian baby for the remainder of the movie. [ ]
Pirates of the Carribean wins its seventh straight weekend at the international box office, but was edged out by Snakes on a Plane in the UK. [ ]
Onetime The OC golden boy Josh Schwartz will once again get a chance to prove his gift for climbing into the minds of teenage girls by writing the pilot for a potential series based on the Gossip Girl books.

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While other networks have begun showing episodes of their series on their own websites the day after they air, Fox is dumping the streaming duties on their local affiliates. [ ]
Peabody Award-winning animated series (we're still trying to wrap our minds around that one) faces an interesting artistic dilemma: Namely, for a show whose main raison d'etre is to poke massive, battering ram-sized holes into society's last remaining taboos, where do you go after a tour-de-force, ?

Well, if your network refuses to allow you to incite an anti-US jihad by broadcasting cartoon images of Mohammed, you simply do the next best thing: Turn the disagreement into an episode, and throw in for good measure.

In Wednesday's episode, the character Kyle is shown trying to persuade a Fox network executive to air an uncensored "Family Guy" even though it had an image of Muhammad. "Either it's all OK, or none of it is," Kyle said.

"Do the right thing."
The executive decides to strike a blow for free speech and agrees to show it. But at the point where Muhammad is to be seen, the screen is filled with the message: " has refused to broadcast an image of Muhammad on their network.

"
It would be underestimating Matt Stone and Trey Parker's considerable social mores-mincing abilities to assume that this was the end of the line for their parade of wrongness. We look forward to a future South Park in which the First Family tries to sell a jaded vaudeville booker on their novelty act, an endless series of scatalogical and sexual combinations between the President, Laura, the twins, and deceased family dog , which they proudly call "The Autocrats."
If the "Return of Chef!" episode of was perhaps seeking to incite a reaction from series deserter Isaac Hayes--either anger at his character's brutal death sequence or compunction after the tear-jerking eulogy coda--then it has failed. Hayes remains deafeningly mum on the episode, though "spokesperson" Amy Harnell has spoken with a number of media outlets, , dismissing that Hayes' decision was coerced and that the singer is currently recuperating from a serious stroke:

Amy Harnell, a spokesperson for Hayes, told MTV News the Fox News report was "definitely not true" and that Hayes' decision to quit was "his and his alone.

" She added that Hayes was never hospitalized with a stroke, but rather "spent a few days in a hospital because of a high blood-pressure condition with medical complications." [..

.] And while it's not totally clear if Chef is really dead (at the end of the episode, he's seen being resurrected, Darth-Vader style), Hayes' spokesperson wants it to be known that the musician is "100-percent" finished with "South Park."
"He's finished talking about it.

Basically, his feeling is, if [Stone and Parker] felt the need to do episodes like this one, then that's fine," Harnell said. "He's done with it, and he's already turning his attention to a series of upcoming commercial projects."

Well, it may not be what we wanted to hear, but at least we can all move on knowing that Hayes, who just months ago was doing defending South Park, has authorized spokesperson Amy Harnell to clear up the matters on what he is currently thinking and feeling, as opposed to, say, making the statement himself and proving that he's not a bedridden prisoner of his minders.

Harnell, of course, happens to be a Scientologist--a and the stubbornly sticky fingerprints of established that--but there's no reason that should the thicken the fog of suspicion surrounding his departure, allowing Hayes to move on to the next phase of his career, composing decidedly funky scores for e-meter CD-ROM tutorials.
As we continue to mourn the graphic, bowel-evacuated passing of beloved character Chef on , and, by extension, blow a goodbye kiss to the last vestiges of Isaac Hayes' free will in the process, troubling clues continue to trickle in suggesting something about the delayed reaction of the star's departure just doesn't smell right.

quoted an in which Hayes said he wasn't warned about the episode beforehand, but he laughs it off, saying, "[I] understand what they're doing. I told them to take a couple of courses, and understand what we do." Now, a much talked about exchange between a caller and Hayes on the Opie and Anthony XM satellite radio show last December has been .

A transcript:

Caller: Hey, my question's for Isaac Hayes. Caller: Hey, what did you think--You're a Scientologist, right?
Hayes: Yeah.

Caller: OK what did you think about when Matt and Trey did that one episode on Scientology? With Cruise in the closet?
Hayes: Well, one thing about Matt and Trey, they lampoon everybody, and if you take that shit serious, then I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge for two dollars.

That's what they do.

That's a far cry from the robotic words of his official departing statement ("..

.religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored..

."), which, we were surprised to discover, spells "pls hlp me im scred rm one oh nine clbrity centr" if you read only every third letter.
It would have been tough for to top the -bashing of "Trapped in the Closet," the episode that started the whole fracas in the first place. They may have succeeded, however, with their much anticipated season premiere, titled "The Return of Chef!" As has been reported just about everywhere, Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef and a longtime Scientologist, released a damning statement just weeks ago, announcing that he was .

A FoxNews.com report then suggested that Hayes has been recovering from a stroke and that this "decision" was . The plot (spoilers if you haven't seen it yet) accounts for either circumstance: It follows a thoroughly brainwashed Chef returning from an extended absence during which he traveled the world with the Super Adventure Club--a group of monocled and mustachioed Col.

Mustard types who just happen, it turns out, to enjoy raping the local children they encounter on safari. Chef speaks in mostly crudely patched-together dialogue, expressing in various ways his desire to "get in kids' butts." If that's not enough of a dishonorable sendoff for the beloved character, then there's the protracted death sequence that culminates in a Grizzly Man-inspired scenario.

In the end, however, is this :

"A lot of us don't agree with the choices the Chef has made in the last few days," one of the children eulogizes him at a funeral. "Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the past few weeks take away the memories of how Chef made us smile.

"We shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us," the eulogy concludes. "We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains."

While likening Scientology to a "fruity little club" may be funny in a bratty sort of way, we're wondering if perhaps it's giving them too easy a retaliatory target.

They are, after all, a club that helped many a conflicted little fruit kick their dangerous anti-psychotic medication habits, resolve their past-life issues, and maximize their life potential.
The angry folks at have started to protest Comedy Central's of 's "Trapped in the Closet" episode and Viacom's general spinelessness in the face of rumored They're even offering downloads of the episode in a variety of formats.

before the lawyers erase animated Cruise from history!
While is definitely not a Brokeback Mountain parody, it's certainly a spiritual heir to that grand tradition. Thanks to Brokeback, two overly macho guys will never be able to fight (whether physically or verbally) onscreen again without the homosexual subtext instantly becoming the text.

Especially if those two dudes are Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.
A Japanese orphan and a deaf, blind, and mute fox cub team up for perhaps of international cinema.
The Battle for Our Souls currently being waged between the forces of good and evil ( and , in no particular order) rages on: The show can impressively churn out a brand new, ripped-from-the-headlines adventure for Stan, Cartman and the gang in about a week, which gives them ample time to address from the series in .

Details of the new episode were vague..

.But a network synopsis said the fictional town of South Park, Colorado, is "jolted out of a case of the doldrums when Chef suddenly reappears," leading to new antics by the group of foul-mouthed fourth graders who are the show's stars. "While Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman are thrilled to have their old friend back, they notice that something about Chef seems different.

When Chef's strange behavior starts getting him in trouble, the boys pull out all the stops to save him."

A network spokesman told Reuters that someone "besides Hayes" will be providing his character's voice for the episode, which looks to be a handsome, Scientology-bashing bookend companion to their classic of the genre, " ." Sadly, while the fictional, animated South Park kids might be able to save Chef in time, their real life counterparts will probably have trouble scaling the 14-foot electrified fences and evading the sniper fire to save Hayes for real.