One for the ages...
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Tomorrow, the Los Angeles Clippers play the Memphis Grizzlies in what has the potential to be the lowest scoring basketball game in history. You see, because of David "The Moron" Stern's rediculous playoff matchup system, the loser of this game is likely to play the Denver Nuggets in the first round rather than the more formidable Dallas Mavericks.The Nuggets have wrapped up the Northwest Division title and the Western Conference's third seed by no other virtue than not sucking quite as bad as the Utah Jazz, their closest competition. All the while, the Mavericks have had a great season, let by MVP candidate Dirk Nowitzki. Despite winning 16 more games than the Nuggets, the Mavs get the fourth seed because they couldn't quite catch the World Champion San Antonio Spurs.
David the Douchebag might have been the only one who didn't see the potential for sandbagging coming from a long ways off.
Our Take: Without assuming anything about the integrity of the Clips and Grizzlies organizations, this comes down to advancing in the playoffs. Mike Dunleavy already sat out Chris Kaman and Cuttino Mobley for fear that a full strength Clips team might beat the lowly Seattle SuperSonics and damage their chances at an easier first round opponent.
It's shady but can you blame him? Ultimately, here is what's likely to happen. The starters will play sparingly, if at all.
Don't be in any way surprised if some records for all-time lowest field goal percentage are set. Also, don't be surprised if some errant shots are "accidentally" steered home by the defensive team. Is it cheating?
That depends on how you look at it. Would it be stupid of either team to try and win the game? Absofreakinlutely.
Additionally: A not alltogether unsimilar situation was unfolding late last football season when the league's two worst teams, the San Francisco 49rs and Houston Texans, squared off in a match to which the loser went the spoils; the number one overall draft pick, likely USC running back Reggie Bush. All the dumbasses who somehow lucked into ESPN jobs were having a great time, yucking it up, predicting sandbagging to rediculous proportions. To many people's surprise the 49rs showed up to play, and ended up defeating Houston and ending up further down the draft board.
In hindsight, it didn't hurt the Niners to miss out on the first overall pick. Bush is not the answer in San Francisco and with their pick they'll still get to address an immediate need such as offensive line or outside linebacker.
Shot of the week: Call me a homer.
.. or a Barry Bonds hater.
.. or an alcoholic.
None would necessarily be inaccurate. But I'm giving out a top shelf libation to L.A.
Dodgers rookie reliever Tim Hamulack for drilling Barry Bonds in the eighth inning of last night's game. In the previous half inning, Giants hurler Brad Hennessey (Damn it! I left another name off the list of all-time greats!
) nailed Dodger slugger Jeff Kent in the helmet with a fastball, leaving him with a mild concussion. Hennessey's errant pitch appeared accidental, but it's already the second time Kent has been drilled by a pitch and forced to leave a game this season. The Dodgers have enough injury problems as it is.
Losing Kent for any extended period of time would be disastrous to them. Retaliating by plunking Bonds was 100% necessary. Hamulack was immediately ejected from the game and figures to be fined and suspended as well.
Although it wouldn't be publicized, you can bet Kent and maybe a couple of other well-paid veterans will foot the bill for Hamulack's impending fine. It'll be worth it to them knowing that they have a hard throwing lefty in the bullpen who is willing to protect his hitters. Besides, it's not like Bonds was gonna get hurt.
They guy wears more body armor to the plate than the United States Special Forces do on the battlefield.
Back to Buckets: This makes very little sense to me. ESPN's Mark Stein placed Orlando in the top ten of his despite the Magic finishing nowhere near a playoff berth.
By my count, at least seven of the teams finishing behind the Magic will be playing playoff basketball. Did Orlando finish strong? Sure they did.
Should Mark Stein be tested for performance impeding substances for that analysis. If you ask me..
.. Thanks for stopping by for performance impeding substances of your own at 120 Proof.
Todd Lerner contributed to this article.
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We don't cover a ton of boxing here at 120.But it's worth noting that former WBC junior middleweight champion Eckhard Dagge passed away earlier this week of cancer. The reason is very simple. He is quite possibly the coolest person that ever lived.
Why, you ask? Well, in addition to being a world class boxer, he was a world class boozer. He was often heard bragging more about his drinking than his boxing prowess.
Dagge was once quoted as saying, "Many World champions go on to become alcoholics, but I am the first alcoholic to become World champion." Rock on, Eckhard!
We're gonna try to be interactive here.
We'd be remiss not to mention some of the other all-time great party animals in the sports world. But due to our fermentation-addled memories, I'm sure we're missing some.
George Best: The late Republic of Northern Ireland soccer star is often mentioned in the same breath as Pele, Diego Maradona, Johan Kruyff, and Franz Beckenbauer when it comes to discussions of the greatest footballers in history.
He quit playing for Manchester United at the age of 27 when given the ultimatum to quit spending all night drinking and womanizing. Perhaps the coolest thing about Best is that he wouldn't let something fickle like a liver transplant keep him from the sauce. Yup.
You can't make this up. Best passed away earlier this year of..
. you guessed it. Liver failure.
David Wells: He may be flabby, but "Boomer" as he's nicknamed is far from a useless pile on the mound. The portly lefty pitched a perfect game for the New York Yankees in May of 1998. Years later, he published a book detailing his debaucherous nightlife and characterized himself as hung over and half drunk on the day of his gem.
The Yankee organization was furious over the book, but baseball insiders have not refuted any of the information in Wells' book. Go, Boomer!!
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John Daly: First of all, he has a mullet. Just when you thought he couldn't be any cooler, he won the 1996 PGA Championship as the fourth alternate.
And he was plastered as all hell while doing it. If we were ranking these people in any order, Daly would have to be at the top. Any sport has got to be difficult while plowed, but none moreso than whacking a tiny ball hundreds of yards into a small hole, all the while avoiding trees, water, sand traps, and the gallery.
Charles Woodson: The former Oakland Raiders (shocker) defensive back was reportedy once arrested for alcohol related warrants at a charity golf tournament. The kicker? He was hosting the freakin' tournament!
"Thanks for all you're doing for the community, Chuck. You have the right to remain silent..
." If that ain't rad..
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Larry Sorenson: The facts are a bit difficult to substantiate on this one. But the former major league pitcher and Detroit Tigers broadcaster has been arrested a minimum of four times for driving while impaired.
Some sources have him being arrested as many as six times for the offense. The crowning achievement had to be getting arrested twice within a two week span, each time blowing more than twice the legal limit into the breath screening device. THAT, my friends, is dedication!
I'm sure I've omitted some good ones, folks. If you got one, let me have it. It's why we have a comment section!
Thanks for stopping by and having a shot of 120 Proof.
For the complaints department, dial 1-800...
For most of his career, Shaquille O'Neal has finished seasons among the league leaders in most important categories including scoring, rebounding, and bitching about stuff.The big fella was at it again after his Heat got smacked around by Nets. Among the zingers he spat out were that it was the most rediculous game he had ever been involved him. I got news for you pal.
With your foul shooting, every game you're involved in is freaking rediculous. What's super rediculous is a player calling out the head of officials, Stu Jackson. Everybody thinks the refs are out to get their team.
But one person who cannot in any way complain is Shaq. Every time he gets the ball he travels. While this doesn't necessarily set him apart from most of the league, his transgression of basketball's most basic rule is the most blatant.
And he has the nerve to say he gets fouled every time touches the ball. Well of course, you douchebag. If the refs let you run with the ball like it's a trackmeet, how else is a guy supposed to stop you but make contact.
Oh, and the 3 second rule? Seems to be the 3 minute rule when it comes to O'Neal. Ok, to be fair, it's not 3 minutes.
.. only because there's that pesky 24 second clock on top of the backboard.
But I have literally with my own two eyes seen Shaq camp in the paint for 15 seconds while his teammates pass around the perimiter looking for a low post entry.
Our Take: Short but sweet. I think it's time the refs STOP giving Shaq the preferential treatment he has received over the years.
If Rasheed Wallace makes comments half as encendiary as Shaq's, he's fined, suspended, and severely beaten by NBA's covert operations midget assassin squad. You've been called out, Stu Jackson. Time to fight back.
Shaq is not a star anymore, so there's no need to coddle him. He's a washed up, has-been who likes the sight of his mug on tv. Fight back, and suspend him for 10 games without pay.
I guarantee that will shut him up so neither you or, more importantly, I have to listen to his crap.
My Hero: Does anyone know the guy, or know someone who knows the guy that hucked the syringe in the direction of Barry Bonds yesterday? For the record, at 120 we don't condone or advocate in any way the winging of objects from the stands at players.
.. unless the particular player is named Barry Bonds and plays left field for the San Francisco Giants.
I'd like to buy the syringe hurler a drink. It should also be duly noted that the syringe had no needle, so there was no chance of causing anyone injury by tossing it. But way to go, dude.
Way to let that guy know that all the fans who used to admire him now know beyond a doubt what a fraud he is. Oh, how I love to see the mighty fall. Could it be I have a Napoleon complex?
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Parting thoughts:
Damn, Joachim Noah is good.
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Albert Pujols is the best hitter I have ever seen.
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If you drink enough, Jordan Farmar looks like Fred Savage.
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GMU gave it a good shot, didn't they.
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The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
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What was I saying?
I lost my train of thought.
Thanks for stopping by and having a shot of 120 Proof.
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