Victoria's Secret Model Leaves Franchise, Isn't Sexy

May 2nd, 2007 at 14:00 by Annette Hyde
Supermodels are so stinking lucky. It rsquo;s really not fair, you know. We rsquo;ve tried the whole seductress on the runway thing in our Batman underoos, but we can rsquo;t seem to make so much as a pretty penny.

What is it? Is it our acne? Saddlebags?

Lazy eye? Can rsquo;t they see our ravishing inner beauty? Whatever.

The modelling world is so superficial.
Anyway, we got all excited when we heard there was an opening for a Victoria rsquo;s Secret model. This could be our big break, because supermodel Gisele Bundchen will no longer be able to strut down the catwalk in lacy brazier and undies in a few commercials a year for Victoria rsquo;s Secret and rake in $5 million for it.

No, she rsquo;ll be able to do it for someone else and make a lot more.
Yup, the former way-too-hot-for-him girlfriend of Leonardo DiCaprio has not renewed her contract with Victoria rsquo;s Secret. Page Six scandalously reported that the global manufacturer of silky unmentionables would no longer employ Gisele because they won rsquo;t raise her $5 million dollar salary.

But naturally, Gisele lists the winds of change, not the stifling of her multi-millionaire status as reason for leaving. She hinted to such happenings last November at the Victoria s Secret Fashion Show in New York City:
I ve been working with them for seven years, so it s kind of like they become part of your family. I would like to have different chapters in my life.

I mean let s be honest ndash; I do this because it s my job.
And you also do it because nature rsquo;s cruel gene favouritism allows you to make money by being hot. Bitter?

Us? Never. While reflecting the complexities of the supermodel mind, we wondered what could consume someone rsquo;s personal expenses so fully that they need more than $5 million a year - especially since there doesn rsquo;t seem to be much of a need for superfluous items such as food and clothing.

Now that Gisele will no longer be bound to push-up bras and chaffing garter belts, she can let her true self shine:
I m not this girl all the time. People have a perception of me because of Victoria s Secret that I m sexy, but I m not a sexy girl. I m very tomboyish.

Well, good luck, Gisele. We wish you a hearty future of modelling Dickie rsquo;s overalls while hammering up drywall and smashing a beer can on your head.