Holidays - Defamer

Hi, gang! As even the most of godless of Hollywood heathens is well aware, Monday is Christmas, the day when Christians celebrate the birth of the Messiah by giving each other things they bought on sale at Target, drinking enough rum-spiked glasses of eggnog to make spending time with their families seem bearable, and weeping uncontrollably at overrated Frank Capra movies.

In recognition of this sacred occasion, we won't be updating on Monday, but posting will resume on Tuesday. In other schedule-related news, I'll be on vacation until January 2nd starting right about..

.now, but Seth will be sticking around to ensure that no Blackberried Lindsay Lohan manifesto about her plans to enlist Santa Claus in her ongoing image rehabilitation campaign goes uncovered.
Happy and see you in The 07!

P.S. Please accept these incredibly disturbing images (there's a second version after the jump) of The Official Headshot grafted onto adorable Christmas babies as a token of my thanks for another great year.

The AP brings up an angle we'd never considered regarding the : How might the public's lowered opinion of the man once universally beloved for playing Cosmo Kramer affect the sales of -inspired Festivus poles? Sales have been brisk so far this season, leading a representative from the $20,000-a-year unadorned metal rod industry to state that fans are understanding enough to look past the regrettable actions of an actor with rage issues

"Fans know it was a Costanza holiday, not a Kramer holiday," he said, referring to characters played by Jerry Stiller and Richards. "Anyway, Kramer eventually rejects the holiday at the end of the episode.

" Gabriel Morales, 32, of Atlanta, said Richards' tirade didn't keep him from ordering a Festivus pole earlier this month.
"You know, people make mistakes, they say stupid things," said Morales, an information technology analyst who held his Festivus party early this year to coincide with a monthly dinner club. "No one at the party really cared about that either.

"

While it's heartening to read such expressions of forgiveness, we can't assume that all revelers will be as charitable as the one quoted above. For those having a harder time making peace with Richards' behavior, we suggest they make a powerful statement of their displeasure by hanging an effigy of the actor from their poles, giving them a symbolic target at which to direct their cathartic ire during Festivus' ritualistic airing of the grievances, and which might finally allow them to move on from the ugliness tainting their cherished holiday.

While the above Los Angeles house looks like any other tackily adorned local shrine to all that is commercial about Christmas, it, like a chimney in which the charred remains of an ill-fated burglar dressed as St. Nick are discovered only after an unlucky family returns from an end-of-year vacation, holds a dark holiday secret: it was decorated by Jewish people. being caused by one defiant woman's decision to erect life-sized Santa Clauses, inflatable Christmas polar bears, and hosts of wire-frame angels in a largely Orthodox Hancock Park Adjacent neighborhood:

"Some people are so offended, you have no idea," said Mary Loomis-Shrier, who has long erected the giant display on a lovely street south of Hollywood.

"But some of my neighbors think it is great. Some of their kids drop their list of toys in my mailbox. I don't care because I love it, and it is my right.

" [...

] Little girls in long skirts stand across the street and stare at the glittering Santas, some mothers pull their children away, others allow their children to climb about the Santas and compliment Ms. Loomis-Shrier on her creativity.

Our latest holiday gift report comes from an ICM staffer who considerately provided us with this brief review and photo of the company's small (estimated retail value: $3.

95) token of appreciation for its employees, which doubles as a subtle reminder that as long as one is part of the ICM family, all of one's time belongs to the agency:

Good luck re-gifting the ICM employee Christmas present this year. Here's a photo. Notice the protective plastic applied not over the face of this cylindrical 2" made-in-China travel alarm, but on the ICM logo on the cap.

ICM employees are so happy, they never need to check the clock, but any excuse to carry the company logo around when they travel is good enough for them. Too bad ICM's not generous enough to give a holiday party where employees can actually bring a date.

While not the most generous possible gift, the clocks do seem to have significant practical applications: if hurled at the head of an assistant, they're heavy enough merely to hurt, not maim, and the timepiece's Chinese-manufactured chassis ticks loudly enough to remind even the most unambitious of desk slaves of every second of his life he's wasting maintaining the call sheet of a guy who says "dude" way too much, a sure motivator to work a little harder for that promotion.

After the jump, photographic evidence that UTA did not, as we feared, merely (estimated retail value of Golden Ticket-free bars: $1.29)--or if they did, they at least had the good sense to have stale candy spruced up in snappy new packaging:
employees on the studio's Melrose lot are still nursing whatever hangovers they managed on three drink tickets' worth of hooch at last night's holiday party, while any of their who may have misguidedly attempted to infiltrate the event are quietly wondering whether the genital stun-gunning they received for being caught without a proper bracelet will have repercussions for their future reproductive plans. We've received some reports from last night's festivities, including one from a brave and resourceful CBSer who used Jedi Mind Trick-levels of deception to bypass the gatekeepers, score his free drinks, and take in the opulent, Christmassy delights (which, unfortunately, didn't included the Bono appearance rumored yesterday) that Brad Grey never wanted him to enjoy:

I'm proud to say I scored a victory for CBSers everywhere by crashing the Paramount Christmas Party last night.

With my blue wrist band and three drink tickets, I toasted all those who were denied the chance to eat free Pink's chili dogs and ice skate on a rink the size of my living room. All I did was cover most of badge with my hand, so the girl handing out the bracelets couldn't see my affiliation. Victory!

Actually there wasn't much to report. I missed the actual tree lighting, so I don't know whether Bono made it, but I did see the fireworks display, which scared the shit out of me. Seriously, most people didn't see what I saw - the fireworks were launched from the top of the Bludhorn building and the sparks showered down the side of the building.

I fully expected the whole place to go up in flames.

Some readers have written in with updates about , including reports of measures for throttling employees' alcohol consumption, an allegedly huge decorating budget, and whispers of a visitation by someone whose presence would be more buzzed about than a drop-in by the baby Jesus:
"They are also excluding all temps and contract workers.

People who work here everyday, are regular and crucial members of their departments, can't go. Also, some insider info. The wristbands are just blue.

There's no logo or anything on it. You can easily get these at any party supply store. Let's see some hardcore crashing and make Brad Grey really sweat!

" "Some corrections: There will be alcohol at the party and they are handing out drink tickets just like last year--just so you don't get too drunk and lean your elbow on Brad Grey's head. There is also a rumor that Bono, Grey's friend, will be performing..

."
The industry gifting season seems to finally be upon us, as we've received a couple of reports that UTA's present to assistants lucky enough to regularly handle the agency's calls have arrived; unfortunately, they seem to have squandered an opportunity for gift-giving creativity, falling back on (pictured--feel free to send in a picture of this year's version for comparison purposes), perhaps hoping to clear out some boxes of spare chocolate they had left over from Christmas '05. Says a reader:

Just received my UTA Christmas Gift.

Looks like they went back to last year's Golden Ticket theme. Who knows if there's a check buried in one of these things but the one I received had two passes to AMC theaters. I suppose that's appropriate.

However, if the fine print on the back of these passes means that I can only get into movies with UTA clients, I'll be a little pissed. [important to note: I didn't receive a gift from UTA last year..

. So it's possible that this is last year's gift that was lost in the mailroom..

.. For a year.

...

]

Still no word about anyone who's unwrapped a bar to discover a Golden Ticket, finding themselves (are there even money prizes this year, or are movie passes all anyone's getting?) and a prime candidate for a parking structure mugging at the hands of a greedy, call-rolling peer. Keep those gift reports coming: nothing keeps us warmer than you scoffing at associates that think you're only worth a .

We thought that all of the between stranded Corp employees rendered nothing more than unwanted tenants by the and their landlords would have worked itself out by now, but this report from a member of the Melrose lot's untouchable caste indicates that the holiday season, normally a time for people to put aside their differences over some spiked eggnog and mistletoe-enabled makeout sessions, seems to be providing a fresh opportunity for CBS staffer persecution:

Every year Paramount has its annual Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony with food, non-alcoholic drinks, carolers and lots of corporate high-fiving. Ever since the split CBS has still been able to attend, as well as the Paramount Christmas Party. But this year, no such luck.

Apparently they are going to be forcing people to show their ID's and have a list of names ready to block any CBS lowlifes from entering the mostly corny ceremony. The only reason anyone goes is for the free grub and a chance to gawk at the Christmas Tree. Most CBS people have been shuttled off the lot, but those of us who still exist are itching to get off.

We're not , so what's wrong with extending us some fucking eggnog? I hope someone pees on the tree.

If Paramount is indeed excluding CBSers from their party (we have no idea how they'd enforce the ban without barricading a big part of the lot), we can't recommend that those angry over their snubbing crash the event; Paramount emperor undoubtedly will have instructed his Santa-suit-clad security force to execute all interlopers by hanging them from the branches of the huge tree until dead, rendering them grisly ornaments celebrating his power.

Moments before the chorus of "Don't Cha" was about to kick in, something in the champagne room killed rapper 's lapdance buzz, and suddenly, :

The soft-core hip hopper told the crowd at the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network Awards benefit at Chelsea Piers how he and fellow hip hopper Jermaine Dupree left a strip club feeling guilty after spending more than $10,000 in a single night. So they thought: "How 'bout we go to the toy store and break the kids off, [it's] almost Christmas time.

" The next day the two matched the amount they'd spent at the flesh palace in toys, and delivered the gifts to needy tots.

We have to admit, this Toys For Tits plan managed to melt even the ice pellets that are our hearts. We have only one concern, though, and that is for Nelly's staff to stay on the ball.

Some botched paperwork, and you're looking at a truckload of Sit 'n Spin's landing on Scores' doorstep, or, even worse, Amber and Thania showing up at the St. Judes pediatric leukemia ward holding a three-foot double-ender, asking the on-duty nurse, "Someone order an ass-to-ass?