Here s a treat for all you celebrity memorabilia lovers - especially you celebrity memorabilia lovers with a morbid fascination about depressed young soft-porn stars who ll end up dying messy premature deaths - it s Anna Nicole Smith s diary!
According to reports, tomorrow will see the auction of two diaries written by Anna Nicole Smith in the early 1990s that apparently detail her hatred of sex, her love for elderly billionaire J Howard Marshall and her constant depression. Despite Howard K Stern s repeated claims that the diaries were stolen from Anna Nicole Smith and should be returned to her estate, the auction will still go ahead.
Oh, and Anna Nicole Smith s diaries are all written in a super-large childlike scrawl, so even the most short-sighted of ghoulish wealthy sickos will be able to enjoy Anna Nicole Smith s relentlessly bleak attitude to life.
Posted in , on April 13th, 2007 |
There are still four more months until Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows - the final book in the Harry Potter series - is published, and the excitement is so palpable that people are literally wetting themselves over a cartoon of Harry Potter.
Yesterday the new cover art for various international versions of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows were revealed and Harry Potter fans have been frantically unpicking all the artwork s symbolism ever since in a bid to try and work out the fate of their hero.
In short - the American Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows cover shows Harry Potter reaching for the sky surrounded by scenes of destruction, the British version shows Harry Potter seemingly doing some karate in a vault full of Scrooge McDuck-style loot, the adult British version of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows shows a locket with an S on it and the Malaysian version shows Harry Potter dead on the floor with Ron saying to Hermione So Lord Voldemort did kill Harry after all. I certainly didn t see that coming.
Posted in on March 29th, 2007 |
It s probably fair to assume that nobody on earth has thought about The Da Vinci Code for almost a year now - especially not Tom Hanks, who must shudder at the thought of that godawful mullet he sported in the Da Vinci Code movie.
No, that s unfair. There have probably been a couple of people who have given The Da Vinci Code some thought lately, namely Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh. Baigent and Leigh last year went to court claiming that The Da Vinci Code was all their idea and that Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code, had stolen all his ideas from a book they wrote containing similar claims about Jesus knocking up a hooker once.
But that case was ruled in Dan Brown s favour, so Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh appealed. And today that appeal was also dismissed, meaning that the pair now face legal fees of over 3 million - roughly the amount of money that Dan Brown wipes his bum on every morning while checking his hair in the reflection of the 100ft platinum statue he has of himself in his bathroom.
Posted in on March 28th, 2007 |
You know that horrible feeling of dread you ve had in your stomach these last few weeks?
That s your body reminding you that the Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows hype campaign is getting closer and closer, and you can t stop it.
All around the world, plans are being put together to make sure you know all about Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows before it comes out - chances are you won t be able to watch TV, read a newspaper, go to the cinema, look at the internet, open your eyes or breathe in without being very violently reminded that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is about to hit the shelves. And don t think this Harry Potter torture is going to end there either - American Harry Potter publisher Scholastic has announced a record-breaking first printing of 12 million Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows books.
That means if Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows isn t a success, you may very well find yourself living in a house constructed entirely out of unsold copies before too long.
Posted in on March 16th, 2007 |
If you haven t decided what to buy for Mother s Day yet, try stalling for a while - sooner or later you ll be able to buy her a copy of If I Did It, Here s How It Happened, where OJ Simpson graphically imagines the murders of his ex-wife and her chum.
But wait, you re now saying to yourself, all the copies of If I Did It, Here s How It Happened by OJ Simpson got pulped because the subject disgusted even Rupert Murdoch, right?
Well, yes, you re sort of right. But now a judge has chosen to auction the rights to If I Did It, Here s How It Happened and give all the money to the father of the man that OJ Simpson describes murdering in the book. It s a win-win situation for everyone.
Except for OJ Simpson - who ll get the notoriety for the book but none of the money; the Goldman family - who are now essentially profiteering from the murder of their son; and Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman; - who are about to have their memories desecrated all over again. But, yeah, it s totally a win-win for everyone else.
Posted in , on March 14th, 2007 |
So it s official - Harry Potter only has about six months left to live; Harry Potter gazillionaire JK Rowling has just revealed to the world that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, the final Harry Potter book, will hit the bookshelves on July 21 this year.
And now that everybody knows the publication date of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, various people and organisations can start preparing for the new book. Harry Potter fans will start sleeping outside of bookshops, bookshops will roll out all sorts of hokey Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows themed countdown clocks and and anyone with any common sense whatsoever will book a holiday in the middle of nowhere for July 21 just so that they can avoid all the blanket hype, frothing children and adults lamely defending the fact that they read children s books when Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows gets released.
Posted in on February 1st, 2007 |
Ever since it was revealed that OJ Simpson had pretty much taken leave of his senses and written a book about how he would have killed his ex-wife and her friend if only someone else hadn t got there first, there has just been one question on everyone s lips.
That question was about exactly how OJ Simpson would have murdered Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman if he d got the chance. We d resigned ourselves to never finding out the exact death method, since every copy of OJ Simpson s If I Did It, Here s How It Happened book has been long since pulped. But now Newsweek magazine has what it claims to be a chapter of If I Did It, Here s How It Happened that finally answers the question of how it would have happened if OJ Simpson did it.
The answer is knives. That s knives.
Posted in , on January 15th, 2007 |
OJ Simpson can t get a break these days; all he wanted to do was to graphically detail the imaginary murders of his already dead ex-wife and her equally dead friend in a potentially lucrative book, and people just want to have a go at him because of it.
And it s getting beyond what OJ Simpson must have expected, too; when he first put pen to paper to decide exactly which bloodthirsty way he d have killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman if Someone Else That Definitely Wasn t Him hadn t got there first, OJ Simpson might have anticipated people calling him things like tasteless, thoughtless and a dinkle-headed pretend murderer - and he may have even guessed that the book would be pulped because of its questionable content - but OJ Simpson couldn t have predicted that the saga would end up with a judge freezing all of the money that the book earnt him. But the judge did it, and here s how it happened.
Posted in , on January 5th, 2007 |
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows.
Get used to saying that - Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is the official title for the final Harry Potter book, so it s inevitable that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will outsell The Bible at some point.
JK Rowling and the Harry Potter publishers yesterday announced the title of the final Harry Potter book yesterday via an annoyingly complicated online game of hangman - Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Now, that s all we know about the final Harry Potter book - there isn t even a release date yet - and it s leading to all sorts of speculation from the children and adults who can t read proper books yet that make up the Harry Potter fan army.
Deathly Hallows? Sounds a bit gloomy - perhaps Harry Potter really will die at the end of the book like everyone says. And just what the hell is a deathly hallows anyway?
However, hecklerspray can exclusively reveal that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is a hoax name to give the impression that Harry Potter will come to a nasty end - the real title of the book is Harry Potter And The Lovely Rainbow-Coloured Munchkin Rabbits Of Bibbledy Bobbledy Lane.
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