While still recovering from a holiday-induced haze, Fire Lou Piniella! got a rare opportunity to get an advanced look at Lou Piniella s list of New Year s Resolutions. Enjoy.
Sandberg at his Hall of Fame induction.
Sandberg takes over for former Cub catcher Jody Davis, who led the Chiefs to a 75-64 record last year, and who takes over the Class A Daytona Cubs in 2007. White takes over for Madame Lilly at the Maison LeCub, the most popular brothel in Peoria.
This year, I want to top the 75-win season the Chiefs had last year, Sandberg said.
This year, I want to top off at least 75 Chiefs, White quipped, unbuttoning her blouse. How many guys are on the team? she asked, applying pink lip gloss.
There is some speculation that the hiring of Sandberg is the first step on his path to becoming a major league manager. There is also some speculation that this is White s first step on her path to become the next Paris Hilton.
CHICAGO The Cubs during the 2007 campaign, completing new manager Lou Piniella s coaching staff.
The Cubs interviewed several candidates for the position, including Mary Mary Quite Contrary, Frank the Tank, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Busta Rhymes.
Local Cubs fan Robbie Hart was asked what he thought of the acquisition. Gerry Perry!
That s funny! Hart said. When asked why it was funny, Hart replied, I don t know.
Robbie Hart: Amused.
Asked about the hiring of Lou Piniella, Hart did not wish to comment. He replied, Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?
Hart then asked that someone kill him, please.
CHICAGO Former Cubs shortstop . As special assistant, DeJesus s responsibilities will be as follows:
FLP! hit the streets to gauge the reaction of Cubs fans to the announcement, with apologies to .
Ann Helter, Town Crier
If we keep spending money on coaches all willy-nilly like this, how are we going to get Neifi to come back?
Bill Murray, Alleged Celebrity Fan
Lester Strode? He is a madman!
When he stole that cow, and his friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with that cowboy. If the two of us together, forget it.
Hot as a Kerry Wood fastball.
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