is a prefix meaning poison, and is that stuff shot out of the guns in Halo. , of course, was the charismatic leader who brought the cause of India s independence from British colonial rule to world. So if you have Toxoplasma gondii, Mahatma Gandhi will kick down your door and shoot you with poisonous plasma rifles.
Sadly, over 40% of people have this, although some people are affected by it differently. Toxoplasma gondii is one of the few parasites that affects woman differently than men (next to Nascar and pregnancy). According to Australian scientist and frequent cricket player, Nicky Boulter, the parasite actually has positive affects on woman, opposed to the negative affects it has on men.
It is said that infected men have lower IQs, achieve a lower level of education, have shorter attention spans, and begin to look a lot like John Kerry. They are also more likely to break rules and take risks, be more independent, more anti-social, suspicious, jealous and morose, and are generally deemed unfit for modern society. Most men infected with Toxoplasma gondii become either bums on the street, creepy janitors that lurk in the corner of the cafeteria and scare kids into picking up after themselves, or Supreme Court judges.
As horrible as this may seem, the positive side to this parasite proves to be beneficial for both men and woman. As unbelievable as this may sound, the effects that Toxoplasma gondii has on woman are actually good for the woman. “Infected” women tend to be more outgoing, friendly, more promiscuous, and gain the vocal span of Christina Aguilera.
Highly sophisticated and professionally trained scientists also report that woman with this parasite will (and I quote) “have sex with anything that doesn’t rhyme with orange juice, with the exception of and .” It is said that man not only find woman with Toxoplasma gondii more attractive than regular woman, but seem to drink less alcohol. When Jack Gleasen, a Sydney construction worker whose wife has the parasite, was asked why he no longer consumes morbid amounts of beer, he responded Well now that she’s constantly hot, there’s really no reason to drink anymore.
Are you a woman looking to gain the upper hand on your female competition when it comes to dating? Do men tell you that you have saggy boobs and that your breath smells like pure gasoline? Did you fall off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down?
Well then do we have a product for you! It is said that Australian scientists—and soon scientists across the world—will be handing out the Toxoplasma gondii parasite to woman for the small price of 20 doll hairs (unless you have 20 dollars, then that’ll work too). You are guaranteed to become more sophisticated, intelligent, and look exactly like Britney Spears before she got married to K-fed.
Hopefully the Toxoplasma gondii parasite will be removed from men across the world, and injected into their wives. December 27, 2006 at 10:28 am | In Something | No Comments After polling many difference types of highly educated people around the world (business employers, rocket scientists, Olympic judges, The Pope, and my friend String Bean) I have discovered a list of the Top 10 jobs to have in America. They may require hard work, organization, and five years experience with Hydrochloric acid.
Take for example this sophisticated job, which, although it may seem difficult and dangerous, pays as much as $56,600: I know it sounds demanding, sitting on your ass all day thinking up flavors like “Avalanchocolate” and “Way Too Much Vanilla,” but there is some joy in the business. For example, you get to taste all of the ice cream your co-workers have developed, as well as being called an “ice cream scientologist.” If it were up to me, I’d make a few flavors including Cherry, Syphilis Sherbet, and Bob Dole Banana.
If you think it’s fun playing video games, imagine being able to design them! For example, if you love the sport of curling, but don’t think it’s getting enough credit in the gaming world, you (and a couple of well trained visual engineers who actually know what they’re doing) would make an entire game of Olympic Curling, in which your team would challenge all the other teams in the world in order to find out who is the best at sliding their granite circles into a ring of circles. Or you could make a shooting game in which you are Rambo and you are forced to fend off all the communist bastards with merely your heart of gold and exploding arrows.
If you’ve ever gone to a concert you’ve experienced two things: The feeling of pure hatred as the man behind you keeps spilling his drink on you and yelling “ROLLING STONES FOR LIFE!” even though you’re at a Backstreet Boys concert. The thought that you could have made this performance better Well now you can!
Not only do you have control of things ranging from the security to the porter-potty location, but you can also make sure those drink-spilling retards don’t even touch the gate. But the perks don’t stop there; you get to attend band after parties, meet the band groupies, and acquire many types of band STDs. Although the business is a gamble, and your salary depends on experience as well as band performance, you get the opportunity to see many bands play and get paid for it.
Because the actors and actresses of Hollywood are so busy portraying murderers, samurais, and cocaine addicts, they seem to have no time to realize how poorly dressed they are. That’s where Wardrobe stylists come in. It is their job to choose the outfits actors wear on camera.
The salary rages from $1,000 to $10,000 a week, based upon their duties (haha, duties) and experience. The responsibities can range from finding a pink Coach purse with a leather strap and mustard stain on the inside pocket, to buying a wardrobe of outfits based upon a certain time period. One of the perks is that if one of the actors is being a bitch to you, you can make him look like Richard Simmons.
I’m not sure why this is the best job ever, considering kids these days have traded in comic books for violent video games and porno graphic magazines, but apparently it’s still entertaining to create super heroes. I know one time I invented a super hero called “Captain Lava Lamp” in which I would wear a biking helmet, silk cape, and wooden shoes, and run around my house hollering and threatening to throw a lava lamp at anyone who displeased me. Then I would grab my dad’s leg and command him to walk around the house with me sitting on his foot.
If it were up to me, “Captain Lava Lamp” would be published every weekend for kids to share his epic adventures of lamp throwing. If you were a drop out in beauty school, and weren’t able to make it as a Hollywood Wardrobe Stylist, you could pick up the career of doll dressing. In this job, you basically refuse to grow up and continue dressing your Barbie and Bratz dolls throughout your late forties.
You would think up and produce fashions such as “Sleeps Around Barbie” and “Burger King Ken.” The ideas are endless when thinking of doll fashion, you could even make a “Captain Lava Lamp” costume for your Polly Pockets!!
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