As we all know, the Oscars isn t about winning awards at all - in fact, we ve already forgotten who hosted the Oscars, what movie won the Best Picture Oscar and what an Oscar actually looks like - because the Oscars is all about lovely dresses and stuff.
Oscar night is the one spot on the movie-making calender when actresses can swap the dirty rags that they wear for the rest of the year while playing impoverished drug addict victims of domestic violence for a selection of glamorous dresses with plunging necklines, figure-hugging cuts and other stuff we ve read in girly magazines that we don t fully understand. For the Oscars, actresses can make themselves look a million dollars, fashion designers can earn themselves a million dollars and the majority of rational people at home would pay a million dollars to watch something that isn t about the fucking Oscars just for a single blissful second.
But who wore what at this year s Oscars? We re no strangers to sartorial elegance here at hecklerspray, so we ve compiled the world s most definitive Oscar night fashion rundown for you, right after the jump
Posted in , on February 26th, 2007 |
Charlotte Church turned 21 last week, and she celebrated it with the time-honoured Welsh tradition of possibly letting a fake-tanned rugby chickboy knock her up - according to reports, Charlotte Church is either pregnant or not pregnant.
Why does everyone think that Charlotte Church is pregnant?
Simple really - Charlotte Church didn t mark her 21st birthday by downing a million alcopops, lurching out of a nightclub at 3am, showing her knickers to the paparazzi, starting a fight with a kebab shop and slurring selected verses of Crazy Chick while laying face down in a puddle of her own liquids like she usually does. So, all said, yes - Charlotte Church probably is pregnant.
Posted in on February 26th, 2007 |
We all boast from time to time.
You know the score - little white lies on your CV that pitch you as having exceptional computer skills when you actually mean you re quite good at playing Grand Theft Auto. Or describing yourself as average build on a dating site when you re actually so fat you require planning permission to step outside.
None of us can hold a candle, however, to film director-type James Cameron: quite possibly the most self-aggrandising man on the planet.
Cameron - who once proclaimed himself the King Of The World because he made a movie about a posh girl and a ladyboy trapped on a sinking ship - is now officially pushing aside all pretenders to the throne by blurting out his most ludicrous statement yet.
Something about finding Jesus s coffin.
Posted in , , on February 26th, 2007 |
Lily Allen and Lady Sovereign have a lot to disagree on at the best of times - who can happyslap a pensioner the fastest, who can sell the cheapest knock-off Burberry baseball caps, that sort of thing - but arguing over musical quality?
Really?
Apparently Lady Sovereign - you know her, she s the UK hip-hop A Flock Of Seagulls - has been laying into loudmouth cod-reggae popstar Lily Allen because Lily Allen has got a famous dad and Lady Sovereign hasn t. And now in an astonishing return-salvo Lily Allen has responded furiously to Lady Sovereign s outburst, hitting back via her MySpace blog.
And to make matters worse we re reporting it as news. And we re sorry.
Jennifer Aniston has had her boobs stolen.
It s not the blood-covered affair that more perverse mental imagery might demand. We understand why it would though, after an opening sentence like that.
Yes, this story has less to do with black markets and bathtubs filled with ice than it does electronic imagery of Jennifer Aniston s magically exposed flotsam and jetsam being strewn freely about the internet.
Problem here is that some large Hollywood conglomerate owns pictures of Jennifer Aniston s bare jugs, and they sure as heck don t want to share.
Of course, the agency s lack of sharing doesn t mean the image isn t available. Perez Hilton, an entertainment blogger without a doctorate in anything (we re just saying ) posted the pic on his site, and now he s getting sued to kingdom come.
So it s agreed - Anna Nicole Smith will be buried in the Bahamas. It s also agreed that the judge in charge of the Anna Nicole Smith case is a bit of a blubbering dipstick and that his ruling will be appealed against until Anna Nicole Smith turns into dust.
In a ruling that could have only been more suitable to the case if he d painted his face up like a nightmarish clown and started yammering his decision incomprehensibly to a plastic doll in a pram, Judge Larry Seidlin yesterday pronounced that Anna Nicole Smith should be buried in the Bahamas next to her dead son Daniel in between sobbing like a girl and babbling on about spirituality like some kind of deranged lunatic.
Yeah, Anna Nicole Smith would be proud. If she wasn t dead. And probably off her nut on methadone in heaven.
Posted in on February 23rd, 2007 |
It s Comic Relief soon - where bad comedians, rubbish boybands and constant uncomfortable scenes of starvation, disability and domestic violence mix together in a way not seen since Jim Davidson s Generation Game got the axe in 2002.
But there s one person who won t been seen on Comic Relief this year, and that s Jade Goody. Jade Goody had filmed a spoof version of Question Of Sport with Frank Skinner for Comic Relief, but now - following Jade s sudden fall from fame after being a bit racist on Celebrity Big Brother - Comic Relief has dropped the sketch.
This is partly because Comic Relief feared that Jade Goody s participation in the event would undermine its fundraising message, and partly because Jade Goody s sole contribution to Question Of Sport was an uncomfortable monologue about how she didn t know whether Tiger Woods was a chink, a paki or a darky darky coon coon. Possibly.
Posted in , on February 23rd, 2007 |
Wait what s this?
It s news about a famous woman that doesn t involve rehab, head-shaving, drug-fuelled backwards motorway driving or creepy clown make-up - Marcia Cross from Desperate Housewives, has given birth to twin daughters.
According to reports, Marcia Cross gave birth to twins Eden and Savannah on Tuesday, and will now have to put up with all the trials that having twins brings. We re thinking of the big three here: the first time that Marcia Cross forgets which twin is which and feels like a terrible mother for it, the first time that Eden and Savannah both walk into the room dressed identically and Marcia Cross freaks out about how creepy it looks, and the first time that Eden and Savannah shout at Marcia Cross because she named one of them after a biblical paradise and the one after a grassy field that catches fire a lot.
News RSS