Maybe you ll get lucky and get put through to one of the Regents. Booyah, Net! Ewww.
.. This entry is long overdue, but I have been battling inanimate objects and those walrus pups that Coach mentioned the other day.
Net: The inanimate objects are winning. But instead of whacking them in the face with a breaking ball, Net: Oh, Santana would be so proud. I have perfected a method that rids us of these vile creatures.
Net: Sorry, the Pit of Sarlacc from Star Wars doesn t actually exist. First, I gathered up a buttload of Qdoba, penguin meat, and self pity and mixed it all in a burlap sack. Net: Sounds like an episode of Home Living with Martha Stewart.
I tied this sack to the back of my bicycle and rode around campus until I had a mass following of trophy facers (def: one who looks like they have been hit in the face with a bag of trophies). Net: So you got your terminology from years of checking out porn then? I then put my bike in cruise control and bailed out, while it flew off the bluffs behind Elliott Hall, all of the walruses followed and splatted to the water below.
Net: Bruce Willis would be so proud. I thought I got rid of them all, but as I was walking home I noticed a large shadow. I looked up and saw something that resembled a cross of Roseanne and a manatee carcass.
The Queen of the Walruses Net: AKA Rosie O Donnell was perched atop Williams Arena and was staring down at me. Net: With that judging look only Rosie can give. I mean seriously, will someone please just take one for the team and sleep with her already?
Someday maybe Coach and I will slay her, but for now I m gone like Jon Lovitz s quasi-career. Net: Yeah, a career made up entirely of cameos isn t much of one, now is it? I fell in love with a girl after the Rusted Root show on Saturday.
Net: Trust us, you don t want to be dating that kind of girl. Except it was eye contact love. Net: So really you were just interested in the chest area.
She was with her friends and I with mine and now I feel like more of a fool than if I would ve just made a fool of myself when I had the chance. Net: Like saying something to effect of Hi, I saw you looking in my direction Oh, that s your boyfriend behind me Searching for love at first sight is no place for a Hey You ad; Net: Well, at least the good folks at the Daily tried to help you out. we need complete investigation.
Net: Someone call John Stossel. You better pack sandwiches, Network, because we will find this girl before finals are over. Net: It s going to be pretty hard to find a girl that exists only in your imagination.
Yeah, just let that sink in. And to you, blue canvas backpack, how about you give us a clue because I know you know. Net: You re really only enforcing the idea that you re crazy.
It s spring, and I m overwhelmed with happiness to see mine and my parents hard earned money at work. Net: Fun Bobby needs a new roof and therefore needs your donations. Please contact TCF Bank for the Fun Bobby Roofing Fund.
I mean, I wouldn t want our athletes tripping and injuring themselves by walking from Nicholson Hall to Appleby. Net: Because then they would have to lose by default instead of losing normally. In fact, I can honestly say that I d pay twice as much for tuition just so their lazy, inconsiderate arses could have two mopeds.
Net: You know, in case one breaks down after sexually assaulting some freshmen at a party.
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