And suddenly, you re dialling for a rematch. Breaking up sure is hard to do and that s exactly why we re so bad at it, according to Today FM Agony Uncle Quentin Fottrell. When you break up with someone it s rarely a clean break, he said.
I call it a multiple fracture break-up; more often than not people break up and then either meet up, have ex-sex or try and give it another go. Part of the process, ironically, is that you support each other throughout the break-up; it s difficult to go cold turkey. So because you re still in contact things can drag on or result in a short spell back together.
And so, all traces of bitterness and hatred are elbowed aside briefly. Apart from enjoying the first flush of love again, hooking up with an ex is convenient. You can skip the getting-to-know-you phase and go straight for the comfort zone, where peeing in front of each other is perfectly fine.
I don t necessarily think that multiple-fracture break ups are a bad idea, Quentin, whose website worldweary.com doles out relationship advice, added. In some ways, if you ve invested a lot in the relationship emotionally, it s unavoidable.
Couples often don t know what it s going to be like until it happens. Then they find that they re both sad and missing each other. Only then do they realise what they ve done.
Many people split up for a while before making a bigger commitment. And after they ve had a chance to look around, they see that there aren t so many great people out there who would fill his or her shoes. They only realise the value of what they had when they don t have it any more.
But be warned, once the second honeymoon ends, the same niggles and rows usually rear their ugly heads. If you do dust down your ex, Quentin warns that it s crucial to iron out the issues that led to the break-up in the first place. Let s face it: your partner will still chew his food loudly, have terrible taste in music and arrive home plastered occasionally .
Put simply, there s usually a reason why exes are exes. It is a bad idea if the problems that led to the couple splitting up still exist and they are unable or unwilling to deal with them, he explained. For instance, if there are trust issues.
They may be aware of the problems, but they may be insurmountable. And there are some cases when people shouldn t dither about getting out of a relationship, rather run like the wind. Obviously there are also toxic relationships, where people just aren t good for each other.
Often, those in physically abusive relationships are locked into a cycle. Their self-esteem has been broken down and they can t conceive life without the other person. 'There comes a point when you need to move on life.
But does all of this spell bad news for the royal lovebirds? Would-be king William and Kate, both 25, split in April after five loved-up years. But they ve since been spotted canoodling at an army party and the pretty fashion buyer hung out backstage at the Concert for Diana at London s Wembley Stadium last weekend.
While cynics say it will all end in tears again, romantics are plumping for a fairytale ending. With William and Kate, the split was probably the result of a mixture of things; press intrusion, rumblings that she was a bit too middle-class for a future king or the fact that he didn t want to settle down so young. But this reunion is bound to have been thought out, because of the press attention they have to deal with.
So maybe there is a future in it, after all. The celebs who fall in, out and back in love again Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton: Screen stunner Elizabeth Taylor first clapped her violet eyes on broody Richard Burton on the set of 1963 classic Cleopatra. Casting aside their respective husband and wife, the pair wed the following year.
The marriage ended in divorce after a tumultuous decade. However, serial bride Elizabeth said I do a second time at a secret African ceremony just 16 months after splitting. Nine months later they had to go through their record collection once more when they called it a day for good.
Jude Law and Sienna Miller: Trendy twosome Jude Law and Sienna Miller were all set to walk down the aisle in 2004. But Miller withdrew the invites when it emerged that her fianc was playing away from home, or rather at home with his children s nanny. After months apart, the couple gravitated towards one another again.
..and again.
The indecisive duo gave new meaning to on-off romance to the point where even the paparazzi stopped caring. But the straw that allegedly broke the camel s back was when Jude revealed he planned to move back in with his good friend and ex-wife, Sadie Frost, while filming a new movie. Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee/Kid Rock: Silicon star Pamela Anderson certainly has the ex-factor.
The busty blonde married skanky rocker Tommy Lee just three days after meeting in 1995. It took three years for Pammy to pull the plug on the abusive relationship and she later prompted speculation of new nuptials by rekindling things with her sex tape co-star. Meanwhile, she married Kid Rock not once, not twice, but three times.
..and filed for divorce four months later.
The former Baywatch babe reportedly quipped: I m one of those people, where it doesn t take a brick to fall on my head, just a building. You said it, love. Kate Moss and Pete Doherty: The spotty supermodel can t seem to help herself when it comes to Babyshambles frontman, and all round shambles, Pete Doherty.
They began dating in 2005, but it s been less romance, and more saga, ever since. The catwalk queen seems contractually obliged to dump her drug addict lover every five minutes. Most notably, Kate kicked him to the kerb after she was splashed across the front pages apparently snorting cocaine.
Now Doherty has vowed to get clean and make an honest woman of her. We fear it s all going to end in tears. And suddenly, you re dialling for a rematch.
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