Song of the Day

This post brought to you by the cumulative impact of two months of Pumpkin Spice Lattes Okay, rightio, it's almost this big old holiday that we all go on and on about for two months out of the year. And I know I'm supposed to be full of big, luxurious love for everything and everyone but I'm falling a bit short in that particular category. I'm not Scroogey, I'm just.

..here.

And I guess that's better than so many alternatives so I simply shouldn't complain. But that doesn't stop me from..

.ruminating aloud. Part of it is that this Christmas day is going to be odd and new and different in my family, and this was really helpful to read today.

It's from Blogher, a site I write for that has so much good stuff on it that I could spend much more time on it than I do, but I'm glad I hit up this post. Sometimes my brain is a little off-kilter and it needs to be kicked back into place. So much has changed since I was a child, which is certainly normal, but so much has changed in the fabric of my extended family in very recent years that sometimes it's difficult to reconcile what was with what is at all.

When my grandfather was alive, there was a closeness and to some extent there still is, but it's different. People have moved onto other situations and there's distance where there wasn't. I don't have much to offer in the way of stability myself these days, so I shouldn't complain, but I can't shake some of the things I think and feel about it.

I'm trying really hard to embrace change these days, and most of the time I'm successful. That means I'm excited about it, or merely content, or even neutral. Other times I'm just pisssed off about it, or confused, or sad, or in deep, dark, comforting-for-the-moment denial.

Today it's easier to be those things because I'm getting sick, I'm racing around trying to meet some deadlines that are totally self-inflicted because I'm an ass and didn't plan far enough ahead, and I'm really just physically tired. These are days that breed the winter of my discontent, which sucks. So what am I doing, in the meantime, to try to channel some of the goodies while making my way through the occasional emotional and physical muck?

I am making people laugh at every turn, have to admit. I've been on some kind of binge of commentary that seems to be going over quite well with my crew at work, which is comprised of people who also make me laugh, which is an incredible, wonderful blessing (a word I don't throw around. We're having a good time with it, stressful as it can get, and that's good, because I like when people laugh.

I'm listening to lots of different holiday music, which sounds basic, but this year I'm doing it like it's my job. If I cannot in fact be barenaked for the holidays, I can indeed be Barenaked for the Holidays. It's a great album and Hanukkah Blessings ties with Elf's Lament for my favorite song on it, so look at me being all ecumenical and shit.

I also remain quite true to Bing Crosby, and the Elton John Christmas album from last year, and the new one called Santa Baby that they're hawking this season at Starbucks. And of course there's the South Park record..

. Hankey's Christmas Classics, that's sort of a twisted tradition in our house at this point. Stress relief, that's what it's all about.

I'm also not doing things I don't want to do. I made a decision not to do some things for Christmas that probably I would have done last year. I'm simply opting out, and this is unusual for me because I'm a terrible opter-outer.

I'm a grit-my-teeth-and-bear-it kind of person when it comes to obligations of the familial variety, especially, but I'm finally reaching a point where I don't think I have to do that, just because I'm one of the ones without children or a spouse or in-laws. That just doesn't have to translate to yo-yo whose plans can change at any time. Pardon me, but fuck that noise.

Sometimes it seems that because I'm untethered to other human beings, I have more obligations almost, because it's assumed that I'm free to bounce around wherever, and I've always felt compelled to do that. The truth is, that if I want to sit on my ass by my tree and be with my DOG on Christmas this year in the house where I live, I'm doing it. As much as I've always been led to believe that it will break someone's heart, I know it won't.

And it doesn't mean that I don't love them or care about them or that they don't feel the same way about me. I'm just really, really ready for some control over my own time, even if that means watching Christmas Vacation and Scrooged and lighting a candle and making phone calls. This has as much to do with the general vibe in my extended circle as anything else.

..where things can start to feel more like a hassle than a blessing or a joy, and I don't believe that that's the way it should be.

Regardless of what you believe in terms of the reason for the season, if you're going to commemorate it in any way, it should be a good one. That said, I am making time for some of the people who have made my year so much better in so many ways. Those are the people who deserve my time and to whom I wish to give it.

This includes my parents and my sister, of course, but also my friends in real life and far away. I had a great dinner out with some of my favorite people last night, and look forward to Christmas Eve with some more. Lately I've had occasion to find out that the most important people are the ones who really back up what they say with what they do.

I always knew this, but it's true that there are people in our lives who actively support us, and those are the most important ones. I'm posting to the Advent Calendar contest group on Flickr, and am sad that we've had nothing approximating winter weather so I could really have some fun with it. The other photographers are kicking my ass, but it's been a nice daily diversion.

I'm also doing that thing I do where I commiserate with retail workers, and this year it's going swell! You know, the job sucks. I've done it.

You're held to terribly high standards for working in substandard conditions. You have to ask people invasive personal questions about their contact information, which is NOT YOUR IDEA, and you're monitored and punished if you don't do it. You stand for hours, and pick up crap that people leave in heaps, and sometimes you even have to clean the bathroom.

So when I go out shopping, I generally chat briefly with the person ringing me up, and ask them how they're holding up, and tell them I've been in their shoes many days, and I have to say that it generally is a great interaction. It makes them feel better and I usually have something to smile about when I leave the store. Last night I was in Nordstrom Rack, which has the most unpleasant aesthetic value of any store I've been in lately save for the Germantown Wal-Mart.

And the clerk was a beautiful girl who was still smiling and genuine, and after she told me that she was generally over Christmas and only cared about gifts for her little brothers, I TOLD her to find a store that suited her better. I told her she needed a bright and shiny environment. And she was like, You know.

...

.I've considered it. And I was like, Do it!

Do it! The real Nordstrom! because she really looked like she belonged there and not in the yellow flourescent weirdness that was this particular store.

Anyway, it was nice. Okay, and now I'm really not going to bust out with Merry Christmas movie house! Swear to God.

But I could, because I like the movies.